Yesterday marked the first day of the Democratic National Convention. Here’s my report card for some of the major players:

Nancy Pelosi

Grade: B

In the midst of yesterday’s lovefest, Nancy Pelosi was one of the few people with a strong message. More than any other speaker, Pelosi took McCain to task for his voting record and current plan for America. Unfortunately, Pelosi’s remarks were so far from primetime that most Americans didn’t hear them. If the rest of the week follows the same pattern as Monday, which followed the same pattern as the entire 2004 convention, John McCain can rest easy.

Ted Kennedy 

Grade: A+

How could he get any other grade? Although no one would admit it publicly, there was a recurring undercurrent among prominent delegates that Ted Kennedy may have to “save the night” in case Michelle Obama bombed. While this turned out to be unnecessary, Kennedy still enhanced the evening by giving a brief but powerful address that reminded the DNC about its mission and future. More importantly, he gave the party a chance to thank him for a lifetime of tireless work in the Senate.

Jim Leach

Grade: B-

The idea of having a career Republican come to the convention and endorse Obama is a brilliant one, particularly given the number of Democrats scheduled to appear at the RNC. Unfortunately, Jim Leach was so uninteresting and didactic that he stole all the momentum generated from the Kennedy speech. Leach was so bad that he almost seemed like a Republican double-agent sent to disrupt the convention through boredom. That said, Leach was one of the few people to make any serious commentary about the economy, which remains the number one issue item among the American people.

Michelle Obama

Grade: A

If Michelle Obama had one assignment, it was to assure the American people that she “shared their values.” Translation: she had to assure them that she wasn’t the cynical, anti-white, unpatriotic emasculator that she’s been made out to be by the conservative media. Of course, this construction was always the result of white supremacist patriarchy rather than anything that Michelle has said or done. Nevertheless, there’s an election to be won. Rather than shrinking under the pressure, Michelle took the job head on and performed marvelously. The only thing disappointing was the number of people surprised by her success.

Question to the Sexpert:

“French First Lady Carla Bruni revealed recently that before marrying Nicolas Sarkozy she had slept with 15 men. I was surprised to find that, in the European press I read, this sparked a far amount of chatter. It seemed the occupation with a woman’s number of partners was an American fascination. At any rate, what is your take on the situation, both her number and the reaction from people?”

You’re right on the money that the obsession with numbers is a more American concern than it is in Europe, although, obviously there are parts of the world where they take much more issue with a woman having sex with anyone at all before marriage. Oh, I don’t know, maybe parts of the Middle East where they, oh, maybe, like disfigure their daughters who shame the family, even if the sex was against their will…they might arguably be a little more prude about the whole deal.

Either way, I find the whole topic hilarious, personally. That’s because I, unlike many people, really enjoy watching awkwardly revealing conversations.

Jim: “So, she’s slept with 15 men. Wow. That’s… well, it must be because she was a model. I mean, that’s a lot.”
Sally: “I’ve slept with 15 men.”
Jim: (awkward silence)
Sally: “We’re just counting intercourse right? Blow jobs don’t count.”

There are a number of elements that go into freaking out about someone else’s number of partners. Some are really only relevant if you plan on sleeping with that person, yet humans just can’t get enough gossip and enjoy finding any paper-thin reason to talk shit.

Self Conscious Comparison
The most enjoyable (for me, because I enjoy schadenfreude) is when people desire desperately to know other people’s numbers as a way of gauging their own relative pimptacity or purity. Clinging to the knowledge that one is above or below average, or more specifically, above or below someone who has been labeled as either a slut or a prude, is a great way to reassure one’s self of one’s inherent value as a person and deservingness of love.

Health/Safety
Here is some math for you: of sexually active adults, between 50-75% will acquire HPV in their lifetime. You engage in sexual behavior without protection with a large number of people, your odds of contracting that, along with a litany of other infections, increases exponentially. It’s not rocket science, it’s virology. Again, the emphasis is on unprotected sexual acts being the most dangerous, so in many ways it’s a safer bet to go with the 25 protected partners rather than the 5 unprotected. But of course, no one ever asks, “so these 15 partners, Mrs. Sarkozy, did they all use condoms?” even though that tidbit changes the situation dramatically.

Moralizing
As fervently as someone might believe a single act of premarital sex will damn a woman to hell, there are others who draw the line of propriety at 3 partners, or 10, or 100, or 1000. It’s arbitrary, generally, and often includes specific judgments about which sexual acts “count.” If you are sitting there now, reading this and figuring out where your line is (or god forbid, already know), be aware that it is just a random number with which you have an emotional investment and you’re just as wrong as everyone else.

Double Standard
Note that we’re only discussing Carla Bruni’s numbers. No one would think to ask her husband, “so, like how many skanks have you banged, Mr. President?” However, it would make for much better television if we did so.

Concerns about Fidelity
The biggest reason that many people ask their partners their past numbers is because they assume it will give them a quick look into their potential infidelity. Been with 20 men? Obviously she loves the cock too much and will totally cheat, right? On the contrary, you might argue the lady’s gotten her wild oats sewn and now can kick back and stick with one partner without always thinking she missed out on something. She’s been out there, she’s seen what’s available and feels more than happy sticking with a good thing.

You know those stories as well as I do about the boy or girl who waited for marriage (or whatever) and then went buckwild sleeping behind their spouse’s back when they realized they’ve committed themselves to a lifetime of monotony, I mean monogamy.

Final thoughts.
Carla Bruni is an interesting case to bring up specifically because she has not only indicated she’s more of a polyandrous person but also because her biography indicates a propensity for being the “other woman” that leads to marriage dissolutions. I’d consider those things more controversial any day, but that’s evidently not as easy to quantify.

So, in the great scheme of numbers, we have to recognize them for what they are and what they are not. They are not signs of personality defects, they are not proof of future behaviors, but they are parts of our past, things that we have lived and done and may or may not look back upon fondly. Past sexual experiences, like all experiences, help shape how we see things but they are not the defining limiters of who we must always be.

Timaree Schmit is a trained sexologist who has also worked as an HIV prevention counselor and sex educator. She has written widely for numerous publications and was recently recognized by Coed Magazine as one of the 10 Most Famous College Sex Columnists in America. Timaree is completing a doctorate in Human Sexuality at Widener University.

Do you have a question or comment? Please email Timaree directly at sexpert@MarcLamontHill.com

College Presidents Rethinking Drinking Age

A group of 104 college and university presidents has signed a statement that suggests the minimum drinking age of 21 encourages a culture of dangerous, clandestine drinking. What do you think?

Toni Graber,
Housewife
“Wait, where exactly is this culture? I am a 48-year-old housewife. I want in.”

Carl Rasmussen,
Systems Analyst
“I remember the hassle of having to do keg stands from behind a curtain.”

Sean Rowan,
Bookstore Manager
“That may be, but getting a fake ID and sneaking into bars at least builds ingenuity and lateral thinking.”

Today’s photo of the day is in loving memory of Aaliyah, who passed away tragically seven years ago yesterday.

Today’s video of the day comes from Day One of the Democratic National Convention, where Ted Kennedy and Michelle Obama were the stars of an otherwise disappointing first day.