Here are some books that I’ve been (re)reading recently:

Ethical Soundscapes: Cassette Sermons and Islamic Counterpublics by Charles Hirschkind

Lessons in Being Chinese: Minority Education and Ethnic Identity in Southwest China by Mette Halskov Hansen

Party Crashing: How the Hip-Hop Generation Declared Political Independence by Keli Goff

Lifebuoy Men, Lux Women: Commodification, Consumption, and Cleanliness in Modern Zimbabwe by Timothy Burke

Maximum Security: The Culture of Violence in Inner-city Schools by John Devine

A Right To Housing: Foundation for a New Social Agenda by Rachel Bratt (Ed.)

Keepin’ It Real: School Success Beyond Black and White by Prudence Carter

Teaching the Personal and the Political: Essays on Hope and Justice by Bill Ayers

Today’s interview of the day comes from NPR, where I appeared on the “Barbershop” segment of “Tell Me More” with Michel Martin. To hear it, click here.

Question to the Sexpert:

“My partner would like for me to deep throat him.  Occasionally I can for very short periods of time.  However, my gag reflex gets in the way.  I’m very happy to accommodate him (so it’s there’s no mental block against doing it).  We’ve tried a few different positions.  I’ve even tried benzocaine.  Do you have any suggestions?  Other positions?  More benzocaine?  We’re both mildly frustrated by my inability to sustain a deep rhythm without gagging.”

Does your partner know you’re, like, the best girlfriend ever? Is he even moderately aware that many significant others would tell him to go blow himself if he’s gonna be that picky?

Average Dude: “Sweetie, I know you give me head on the regular and all, but umm… I’m gonna need you to overcome the instinctual, involuntary muscle reactions that prevent you from choking and dying for the sake of a different sensation when I orgasm.”
Average BJ-Provider: “Hahahahahahaha……. Good times…. Would you pass me the sports section, baby?”

The moral of the story is: you’re awesome for being so game for your lover. Hopefully you can find a way to make this little dream come true for each other. Not knowing what positions you’ve tried, I’ll just throw the laundry list of tips at you and hopefully something will resonate and work out.

Stop With The Benzocaine Already
I definitely see where you’re going with this. Benzo, lidocaine and other chemicals that cause numbing are suggested for attempting anal as well as deep throating and for some, it’s an effective secret weapon. However, it’s not recommended universally. When you numb something, it means you don’t feel pain, which means you are unaware when you are causing injury. It’s great you want to give your man the consummate oral sex, but it’s not worth bruising your larynx.

Lube, Glorious Lube
Whenever Tab A is being inserted in a Slot, be it vaginal, anal or oral, the passage needs to be smoothed with plenty of lubrication. Start out with a rudimentary blow job to set the moisture level and feel free to use an additional non-toxic lube for added wetness if your mouth is dry.

Perception is Everything
Consider starting out with a run-of-the-mill BJ, using your hand at the base to simulate greater depth of penetration. Obviously, it’s not the same, but it’s a good starter and something to do while you’re warming up.

Clear A Path
Deep throating is usually taken to mean that the penis is inserted all the way in through the mouth into the throat, which means the two must line up. This requires taking the natural angles of the erection into consideration. If his member angles downwards, consider kneeling in front of him and using the natural curve of your throat. If it angles upwards, try a 69 or laying on your back on the edge of the bed and tilting your head back while he stands or kneels above you. As a general rule, tilting the head back helps keep the pathway open. Flatten and extend your tongue like you would when the doctor says, “awwww.” Lord knows your partner will.

Take Control
It’s especially imperative when you’re trying to overcome your gag reflex that you be in charge of the action because only you know when you feel the sensation. When you first feel the inkling that you’re about to gag: stop right there and hold still. This may take a lot of practice with numerous starts and stops. Be relaxed and patient and take your time, this does not come naturally to most folks.

Getting There
So let’s say you’ve gotten the length of his penis into your mouth. It might require a slight modicum of force to get the penis all the way into the throat. Time your breaths to correlate with the motion. Inhale as you bring him in; exhale as he’s pulling back out. When he’s in deep, freeze and swallow for a tightening sensation. For advanced tips after you get to this point, check out this guide.

Worst Case Scenario
Hopefully one or more of these tidbits helps you out. But in the event you’re still not able to give your man his request, be consoled that deep throating is not the end-all, be-all of oral sex. BJs are still pretty wicked awesome regardless and the fact you’re so willing to bring him pleasure should go a long way for both of you.

Timaree Schmit is a trained sexologist who has also worked as an HIV prevention counselor and sex educator. She has written widely for numerous publications and was recently recognized by Coed Magazine as one of the 10 Most Famous College Sex Columnists in America. Timaree is completing a doctorate in Human Sexuality at Widener University.Do you have a question or comment? Please email Timaree directly at sexpert@MarcLamontHill.com

Americans Voting Early

So far, more than 5 million people have cast their ballots in states where early voting is available. What do you think?

Doug Ervine,
Campaign Consultant
“I voted early, but it’s only because I have plans on Election Day to terrorize elderly Jewish voters.”

Natalie Ashford,
Systems Analyst
“The earlier you go, the crisper the ballot. I love a crisp ballot.”

Charlie Heater,
Librarian
“Not me. I still have another week to be pandered to, and I’m going to milk it for all it’s worth.”

Today’s photo of the day shows Jennifer Hudson, whose mother, brother, and nephew were killed in a tragic murder on Friday. It is my sincerest hope that their killer(s) are brought to justice. My heart goes out to Jennifer and her entire family during this time of sorrow and grief.