Today’s photo of the day shows Rod Blagojevich, who skipped his impeachment trial and headed to The View. Say what you want, this cat has cojones bigger than baby shoes!!!!

Today’s video of the day is “Cool” by Anthony Hamilton featuring David Banner. This is my JAMMMMMMMMMMMM!

Yesterday, millions of people descended upon the mall in Washington, and hundreds of millions more watched on television, to watch one of the most significant moments in American history. Barack Hussein Obama, a black man, became the 44th president of the United States of America. As significant as this moment was for its own sake, it also speaks to a bigger moment in American life: our country is not only growing old. It just might be growing up. As President Obama mentioned in his inaugural address, it was only a few decades ago that the idea of a black president was not only unlikely, but laughable. Today, our children will be born into a world where the image of a black president is not only realistic, but immediate.

In order to fully appreciate yesterday’s events, we must take full account of our nation’s deep and often dark history. The historic transfer of power that took place was merely cosigned with a pen’s ink. More importantly, it was written in the blood of legions of nameless and faceless freedom fighters who gave their lives to bring forth a world that they would never see. To ignore the significance of such a moment would not only be cynical, but disrespectful.

Still, as we celebrate this watershed moment. It is important that we not become too self-satisfied, too pleased with our collective maturity. Indeed, it is one thing for a nation to finally accept that a black man can represent its interests. It is another thing entirely to question the nature of those interests. After all, the working poor will be no happier to know that a black man is undermining their prosperity. Gays and lesbians will see no moral victory in having their civil rights stripped away by fellow minority. Continental Africans will find no solace in the fact that one of their sons is aiding and abetting its exploitation. For America to truly mature, we must not only acknowledge its bright light, we must also come to terms with its dark underside.. Militarism, violence, consumerism, homophobia, patriarchy, anti-intellectualism, and countless other hallmarks of the American empire must die in order for a new, more mature America to be born. Otherwise, we have done nothing more than put a slave in charge of the plantation.

Of course, the responsibility of seizing this pregnant moment does not start and end with President Obama. As Reverend Jesse Jackson aptly stated, yesterday’s inauguration was merely the wedding; the marriage begins today. To keep this marriage healthy and happy, we must commit ourselves to its continued growth and development. This means pushing Obama to become the leader that he can be by being the citizens that we must be. This requires being just as critical of our new president as we were with his predecessor. This demands that we not retreat to the political sidelines until the next presidential election. To do so would be to squander one of the greatest opportunities that our nation has ever had. While I am not optimistic, I remain a prisoner of hope. Not in President Obama. But in our collective ability to not only grow old, but grow up.

Question to the Sexpert:
“So, Doctor-to-be, why are we conditioned to only have romantic love with one person?  Yeah, yeah, I get the sociological “necessity” of pair-bonding for social cohesiveness, economic order and child-rearing.  But my mind/body spends an inordinate amount of time craving the hormonal rush that is a new relationship to the potential detriment of all else.  I find myself willing to risk home, job, economic security, and the emotional well-being of my spouse for a tryst with a co-worker.  It seems irrational, though I welcome the chaos & destruction and pain that will inevitably be caused to the monotony of the status quo.  How do we reconcile these things?  Is it something that should be chemically regulated? Is monogamy a social construct we’ve outgrown?  Is there a healthy way to have the best of all worlds? When the greatest of happiness and joy is perceived to be only found in that “new love”, and therefore your current relationship is always somehow lacking, what is one to do?  Further, I know from experience that at most this high will last only a couple of years, and then the cycle must be repeated to get the next “high”.  Help!!”

That’s a hell of a lot of a question for one little sexpert to answer, even if she is so awesome that she’s been named the new sex columnist for the Philly Gay Calendar. Nonetheless, I’m gonna give it a good old thwacking with my knowledge stick.

WHO SAID ONLY ONE PERSON?
With the exception of my grandparents, whom I’m going to naively believe have been in mad, adoring love for over 60 years without so much as a double-take of a strange piece of tail in the South Pacific during Grampa’s WWII tour, hardly any of us expect to only love on person in a lifetime.

The notion of a single soul mate is perhaps held by a few folks, many of whom I would imagine have either watched too many movies or whose medication might well need an adjustment. We may find a single person who meets our needs best: who complements us in the most complete ways and who delights us like no one else can and ideally that’s the person we end up with forever. But odds are still good that we loved someone before we met them and that if, god forbid, something ever happened to them, we could potentially find love again.

And let’s not fucking fool ourselves, even if we love that favoritest person with our whole hearts, our eyes are still firmly planted in their sockets where they will continue to see, un-abated, all the other awesome people around. And our brains (or other parts) may still fully wonder what these other awesome people would look like splayed naked across the third floor copy machine with a  generous dollop of fudge dripped across their ripped torsos.

WELCOME TO MY RELIGION: EVOLUTIONARY PSYCHOLOGY
As you pointed out: according to many theorists we are designed to be paired off with a single other person for the purposes of child rearing. That is: we find someone who would make the best mate and we stick with them until our progeny have reached an age of self-sufficiency, say 4 or 7 years.

The realities facing our ancestors long ago were very conducive for such couplings. Considering that most humans would not expect to live to see what we now call “middle age,” and considering that they would likely not meet more than a few hundred people in their little life spans, the fact we still play by the rules that were beneficial for them is laughable.

ENTER CHURCH
Not only religion, but many social institutions have been created and structured to support these pair bonds because they are in the best interest of a stable, prodigious society. Having two people stick together and pop out a bunch of kiddos is the best way to keep a society afloat in terms of economics and maintaining the status quo. Studies do show that kids are best when raised by two parents who are both able to provide attention and financial assistance throughout childhood, so there is validity in this notion.

WHAT ABOUT LOVE?
So far we’ve established that society wants pair bonds. But the idea that we should actually be in romantic love with the person with whom we partner and have kids is a new-fangled idea from the last couple hundred years. Previously, if you were a girl, you married the guy your dad decided had offered the best deal. It was a business arrangement, a tribal business matter, a merger of assets. It’s only now in our modern society of instant gratification and self actualization that we expect to have a loving, caring relationship with the person to whom we’re shackled.

BRAIN CANDY
Yet we can almost all attest to the subjective sensation of love…. Or at least infatuation. There’s that chemical high you mentioned: caused by dopamine, serotonin and norepinephrine going apeshit all over your brain like a bunch of sugared-up five year olds in a Chuck E Cheese ballpit.

We experience it differently, each of us. Some have mania with obsessive thoughts about one’s beloved. Others experience elation, feelings of confidence or adventure seeking. Some calm down, feeling their anxieties melt away with comforting feelings of adoration.

When you mention the high you personally were chasing: it sounds like the confidence-boosting, sensation-seeking type of infatuation. Getting that feeling from another person is super duper fun for many of us, but when it becomes a threat to our lives: endangering our careers, families, and basic mental health, it becomes more of a chemical addiction than anything. Something that could, in fact, be augmented with medication and therapy.

THE REMEDY
For some of us the real answer is to find the right person: someone with whom we mesh well and for whom we are willing to work hard to maintain a good relationship. For some, a real solution is opening up the relationship to the possibility of other partners. For others, like you, dear reader, the answer may not be in another person but rather within yourself. You need to find a way to get that crazed, excited feeling from something you do rather than someone you do. It sounds as though your life itself is just not providing enough stimulation: something that can be fixed. This cannot be considered the sole responsibility of your partner: to keep your interest.

Look at ways you can mix up your life to give you more adventure besides dropping your spouse for some hottie in the office. It looks as though you’ve tried the serial monogamy to meet these needs and it hasn’t work, so maybe it’s time to give another path a try. Good luck!

Timaree Schmit is a trained sexologist who has also worked as an HIV prevention counselor and sex educator. She has written widely for numerous publications and was recently recognized by Coed Magazine as one of the 10 Most Famous College Sex Columnists in America. Timaree is completing a doctorate in Human Sexuality at Widener University.

Do you have a question or comment? Please email Timaree directly at sexpert@MarcLamontHill.com

Democrats In Control

For the first time in 14 years, the Democrats have control of the White House and both houses of Congress. What do you think?

Pete Rego,
Options Specialist
“Those spend-happy Democrats are going to ruin this small-government, fiscally conservative utopia that Bush spent eight years crafting.”

Susan Gibson,
Program Assistant
“I’ve purposely avoided upward mobility and social progress for 20 years so I can benefit from all the free money I’ll be getting.”

Richard Feyen,
Personal Banker
“Hooray! Hopefully they will clean up our world image, make the environment okay, and perfect our public schools by February. Then we can get some real work done!”