Today’s video of the day comes from my favorite sitcom of all time, The Golden Girls. R.I.P. to Bea Arthur, who passed away last week at the age of 86. She will be missed deeply!!!

Because I love the denizens of the Barbershop and I do read the comments, I’m posting an updated version of a previous column I’ve written on the subject.

Question to the Sexpert:

“I’m a 20 something, sexy, hot biaaaatch, and i thought i was pretty informed with almost everything sexual. that is until i stumbled across this hole-in-the-wall barbershop, i mean, it’s aiight…but anyway, after visiting the shop, i noticed this word “squirter,” i was curious to know what it was, that’s when a few patrons told me it meant “female Ejaculation/tor”. so me being the sexy, hot biatch that i am, i was modestly surprise, you know, couldn’t let the folks see me sweat…i really didn’t know women could ejaculate, so, i just wanted to know a bit about that and how it’s even possible. and most importantly, why it hasn’t happened to me yet???? do you think you can help a sistah out???”

Let’s start from the beginning of getting wet, also known as: seeing images of Ryan Reynolds without a shirt. Well, sometimes it doesn’t start that way. Sometimes panties get moist for no good reason and sometimes full-on sexual activity doesn’t elicit any reaction. Why? Well, because, that’s why.

Let’s say you are on certain birth control like Ortho-Cyclen or Depo Provera, taking allergy meds that dry up your sinuses, are drunk, are smoking (whatever), or are taking antidepressants, there is a possibility things will be a tad drier downstairs. Even getting a dirty hot lap dance from Rihanna can’t guarantee that your vagina will start gearing up for action. There are also diminished effects caused by stress, pregnancy and just being at certain points in the menstrual cycle. So, as you are probably already gathering, this is not a cut and –errr- dry matter.

The point is that the Bartholin’s glands, which are located just slightly below and to the left and right of the opening of the vagina (there are two of them in total), secrete mucous when they become engorged with blood, pushing out the moisture that had been residing in the cells. Estrogen and hydration play a huge role in how much lubrication is created, which is why women after menopause (who are not making nearly as much of their own estrogen) often have big issues with keeping things slippery enough.

If a woman ejaculates, however, it’s an entirely separate process stemming from a different pair of glands, namely, the Skene’s glands, located above the opening of the vagina, near the urethra. Now you’ve probably heard someone authoritatively saunter up to the conversation declaring that female ejaculation is not real or that the resulting fluid is actually just urine. Next time that person says that, you can pat them gently on the shoulder and say, “nice try, dipshit.”

Now they’re not total dipshits, just a little bit of a dipshit, like the people who think to themselves, “you know what? Today I’m gonna go buy a pair of Crocs.” And I say that because even the most eminent researchers in the field of female sexual response are not a hundred percent certain about how female ejaculation works, why it happens and why the composition of the fluid varies so much from woman to woman.

When analyzed in a lab, the ejaculate is usually found to contain prostatic fluid, which scientists had previously thought was only created in the male prostate. The samples also usually contain some degree of urine too, but these women are not just peeing all over or anything.

But, as you mentioned, not all women are gushers and some gushers have comparatively dry orgasms and we really aren’t entirely certain why. There is likely a connection between the ejaculatory response and G spot orgasms but brand new research is showing that perhaps not all women even have G spots and that they appear in a variety of sizes, which would account for the vast differences between one partner and another. Other research implies that women might ejaculate all the time, without knowing it because the fluid shoots backwards into the bladder instead of being expelled.

So, long story short: don’t worry about the fact you haven’t run into it yet. If it happens, don’t freakl but if it doesn’t, it’s no big deal.

Questions?Comments? Violent Reactions? Email sexwithtimaree@gmail.com

Sexpert Timaree Schmit is currently finishing her doctorate in Human Sexuality, the culmination of a lifetime of prurient interests. She has worked as a sex educator writing for both academic and popular media for over seven years, and as an HIV Prevention Counselor, peer sexuality educator and adjunct professor. She was the founding Chair of the Human Sexuality Education Student Organization (HSEDSO) and is an active member of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) and the Society for Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS). You can see more of her work at SexWithTimaree.com

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Questions? Comments? Violent Reactions? Email sexwithtimaree@gmail.com See more at SexwithTimaree.com

As always, my mailbag is bulging with urgent questions. Here’s 3 of the best:

As I die-hard liberal, you’ll defend anything that non-Americans do. What say you about the Somali pirates, 3 of whom were killed last week?

First, I do not defend the acts of the four men who were overtaken by Navy SEALS last week. That said, let’s not allow our indignation to obscure some key facts here. For decades, the Somalian people have seen their economic resources systematically exploited by North American and Europe. Somalian coastal waters have been used as illegal dumping grounds for the world’s toxic waster. Also, seafood, Somalia’s biggest resource, has been shamelessly stolen by large shipping vessels for nearly two decades. Since the war-torn country has no navy or coast guard, citizens must take matters into their own hands in order to protect their interests and recoup their losses. While this doesn’t defend the type of selfish and lawless piracy that took place last week, it does explain how our policies often force the hand of other nations.

There’s been a lot of talk about “enhanced interrogation techniques”. Should we use them to fight terrorism?

If by “enhanced interrogation techniques,” you are referring to intense procedures, with no long term effects, that are used to secure vital information from terrorists, I’m all for it. After all, you can’t get Al-Qaeda to spill the beans by tickling them. If, however, you’re referring to the inhumane forms of abuse that were authorized under the Bush Administration in violation of the Geneva Convention and the Convention against torture then the answer is no. In addition to being unethical, there is no compelling evidence that torture produces the outcomes proponents  promise. Also, by engaging in acts that we’ve previously criminalize –for example, Japanese soldiers were criminally charged by the US for the same waterboarding tactics that we endorse today– we compromise moral authority, respect, and security around the globe

Since you think you know everything else, why don’t give an NBA prediction?

Glad you asked! With Kevin Garnett out for the year, the Celtics simply don’t have the interior defense or front court presence to make it out of the East. The Magic, while talented, do not have the experience, consistent scoring, or rebounding necessary to win it all. Expect Lebron’s Cavaliers to slide into the Finals without much struggle. In the West, Kobe’s Lakers seem to have a similarly easy road, due to Tim Duncan’s gimpy legs and Portland’s immaturity. Expect the Lakers to squeak by the Cavs after seven of the most exciting (and profitable) championship series in recent memory.

Of Pirates & Piracy
By Mumia Abu-Jamal
[col. writ. 4/13/09]  (c) ‘09
In the news of late is the piracy drama off Africa’s horn — the eastern coast of Somalia.

All of a sudden, piracy is a problem, one needing military, if not global solutions.

Every petty politician is bum-rushing the mike, to spout off on how pirates are “thugs”, “criminals”, or the latest Western curse, ” terrorists”.

Such pronouncements almost always leave me cold, or, at best, ambivalent, for behind these events lie a history that cries out for clarity and perspective.

If piracy is a crime when individuals do it, what is it when states do it?

Who can deny that America was stolen and swindled from the Indians? Or that millions of people were stolen from Africa to work for them for centuries?

Is that piracy– or just plain policy?

Piracy did occur in the 17th and 18th centuries, and this was either cases of conflict between colonial powers (where British ‘privateers’, for example, would target and steal from Spanish ships), or simply in pursuit of profits.

The Somali state has been absent for a generation, and as such, what is today’s piracy but  making a living, albeit a dangerous one?

When Ethiopia was armed and egged on to invade Somalia several years ago by the Bush administration, was that state piracy?

When the U.S. invaded and occupied Iraq in 2003, removed it’s government, imposed its puppets, bombed its people, and ran a third of its population into exile, based on lies–was this piracy of one nation against another–or ‘national security?’

Pirates are retail; nations are wholesale.

Who are the ‘thugs’, the ‘criminals’, the real pirates?

To my knowledge, no band of pirates has ever stolen a nation.

Guess who has?

–(c) ‘09 maj