Michelle Obama, Mom-in-Chief
By Melissa Harris-Lacewell

With Mother’s Day approaching I want to think about Michelle Obama’s assertion that her primary role as First Lady is “Mom-in-Chief.”

Many progressive feminists were distressed with Michelle’s assertion of motherhood as her primary role. They hoped she would seek a more aggressive policy agenda. After all Michelle Obama is a graduate of Princeton University and Harvard Law School. She spent her career as an effective advocate for urban communities in their fraught relationship with powerful institutions. She is smart, capable, and independent. She maintained her own career and ambitions throughout Barack’s early political career and even during his election to the U.S. Senate.

Truth is, some of us who were in the orbit of the Obamas ten years ago believed Michelle, not Barack, was the real star of the couple. So while I don’t think anyone expected her to commute to a 9-to-5 job in D.C; many hoped that she would take on an independent political role in the Obama administration.

Instead, Michelle has crafted a more traditional role for herself. She is highly visible, but she has taken on relatively safe issues like childhood literacy, advocacy for women and girls, and support of military families. Even her White House garden is framed more as an initiative for healthy eating and quality family meals than as a statement of commitment to local foods as an effort against global climate change.

Early in the primaries Michelle’s gentle teasing of her “rock star” husband made him seem more human and led many to believe that the Obamas would be models for gender equity in the White House. While the mutual respect between the couple remains evident, these days Michelle is more frequently photographed with her head on Barack’s shoulder, grasping his hand at public events, or evading reporters by stealing brief, romantic walks on the White House grounds. The outspoken Michelle Obama that made many bristle with anxiety during the campaign has been replaced by a woman who makes us collectively say, “aaaaahhhhh” when we see her with her husband, children, and even her new dog.

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Question to the Sexpert:

“I’m not sure what I want to ask you, if it’s for permission or approval or something else entirely. I dated this guy, whom I’ll call “Mike,” for about four years and we broke up after a really bad fight about a year ago. He’s sort of re-entered my life now, much to my friends’ irritation. But the thing is, I don’t want to date him again, I want to date his friend “Aaron” whom I always thought was hot. I got drunk last week and had sex with Aaron and now I feel really conflicted. Is it always bad news to hook up with an ex’s friend?”

Since you already went and did the banging of the ex’s friend, I’d venture you came here looking for my approval more than anything else. And if it’s my endorsement you seek, then you have it. You have my unabashed permission to hit it with your ex’s friend, HIS friend, his friend’s friend, his cousin, his late aunt and all the kids in your 3rd grade class picture.

This is because Sex with Timaree is a place of non-judgment, honest communication, love, affection, and occasionally: enjoyable but regrettable decisions. It’s not that I don’t care about what happens to you or have no moral compass that delineates right from wrong in the realm of sexual behavior. Quite the opposite, in fact. The fact is: when it comes to whom you are allowed to date, love, hate, fuck, hate fuck, have dinner with, toss a sheep at, accompany to prom, marry, (or anything else), as long as things are safe, sane and consensual, it’s none of anyone’s business.

If you like this boy and he likes you and you’re both single and being honest with one another and making attempts to be respectful of the feelings of your ex who happens to be his friend, then knock yourselves out.

That said, there are a couple ways to look at the issue, and you’re free to pick and choose as you find relevant.

BIRDS OF A FEATHER

It makes sense you’d like this Aaron character. He probably has a number of traits you liked in Mike and holds the appeal of both familiarity and a novel opportunity with someone new. You say you always liked him and may have wondered for a long time if you weren’t dating the wrong friend. Now’s a perfect chance to find out, and maybe gain something magnificent from the ashes and rubble of your relationship with Mike.

SKIP THE DRAMA

Your coupledom with Boy 1 ended terribly and although some serious time has passed, the bad feelings may not be extinguished entirely. Keeping it in the friend circle, even if you really like Boy 2, is asking for drama, trust issues and the potential to ruin their relationship as buddies. There are other fish in the sea, look for them.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Again, whatever you choose to do, you’ve got my blessing. I support your decision but expect you to accept the consequences. Have fun, be careful and if this doesn’t work out, maybe look a little further outside the circle next time for dating options.

Questions? Comments? Violent reactions? Email sexwithtimaree.com

Sexpert Timaree Schmit is currently finishing her doctorate in Human Sexuality, the culmination of a lifetime of prurient interests. She has worked as a sex educator writing for both academic and popular media for over seven years, and as an HIV Prevention Counselor, peer sexuality educator and adjunct professor. She was the founding Chair of the Human Sexuality Education Student Organization (HSEDSO) and is an active member of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) and the Society for Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS). You can see more of her work at SexWithTimaree.com

Today’s video of the day comes from the White House Correspondent’s dinner, where President Obama and Wanda Sykes held it down. I thought that Obama was uneven, but relatively funny for a President. Sykes, on the other hand, made me crack up as always. Thoughts?

A Party of One
By Mumia Abu-Jamal
[col. writ. 4/30/09] (c) ‘09

That great observer of American democracy, Alexis de Tocqueville noted that U.S. political parties were like nations at war with one another.

While that’s certainly true when it comes to the average rank-and-file party members, who work, sweat, bite and fight against their political opponents for ascendancy, the same cannot be said of those at the highest levels.

That is but one lesson to emerge from the abrupt party-shift of U.S. Senator Arlen Specter, who, up until til quite recently was the senior Republican senator from Pennsylvania, and among the institution’s longest-serving.

Facing an increasingly difficult primary election in the fall, he ditched the party on which he has run and won (as a senator) for almost 30 years, and cast his lot with the opposing majority party (Democrats)

Political pundits and talking heads went almost apoplectic in their overheated responses and predictions.  “Earth-shattering!”, said one. “An earthquake!”, said another.  In moments, they counted his votes on Democratic bills and proposals that had yet to be written.

The truth was quite simple: he wanted to win re-election, and he couldn’t do it in the GOP.

It’s often been said that the Senate is a millionaire’s club; but it’s more.  It’s one of the most exclusive clubs on earth. It’s only 100 men and women, who are essentially princes and princesses of power.  In each U.S. state, only 2 people can sit in the Senate, and once in, it’s quite difficult to lose an election.  Because Specter had an irritating independence streak, his upcoming Republican primary would’ve been among those seen as unsure.

Richard J. Needham said, “Power is a drug on which the politicians are hooked.”

Power.  That’s it.

Specter, who has spent his adult life as a prince, didn’t feel like giving up that incredible power.  And his switch virtually insures that he won’t have to.

By switching parties he gives the Democrats one vote closer to a bulletproof majority — to 60 votes with which they can virtually run the table (assuming former comedian Al Franken can hold his lead over the GOP’s Norman Coleman).  By so doing, he virtually insures that his former party-mates will be powerless, as without 41 votes, they can’t stage a filibuster – or effectively block any legislation.

He therefore becomes the most powerful member of that body, for his vote becomes crucial.

The great wit, Alexander Pope said, “Party-spirit…which at best is but the madness of many for the gain of the few.”

Arlen Specter is a Party unto himself.

–(c) ‘09 maj

Someone is donating money to colleges with female presidents anonymously

Move over, Jessica Rabbit, India’s got its first pornstar, and she’s animated. Here’s her site.

Early device for rhythm method of pregnancy prevention.

As reported last week, Maine will be 5th state to legalize gay marriage. But don’t expect Rudy Giuliani to be at your same-sex nuptials

New technique for in vitro fertilization that avoids surgery, mimics natural fertilization process more

Start the post-feminism discussion: Philadelphia gets lingerie football league

Homophobe Miss California might lose title over racy pictures taken of her

Awesomely weird rape-deterring art

Male contraception shot closer to reality

Bristol Palin: do as I say, not as I do

More people too lazy to talk to kids about sex, want TV to stop initiating healthy conversation, advocate censorship of ads.

Sex ed via text message?

Didn’t this happen in the World According to Garp?

In light of this week’s poll question, a list of things you should ask your partner before you get hitched.

Questions? Comments? Violent Reactions? Email sexwithtimaree@gmail.com See more at SexwithTimaree.com