Question to Sexpert Timaree:

“So, my grandma died three years ago and while it was really hard on my grandpa, he’s moved on and is planning to start dating again. He’s quite popular with several of the older neighborhood ladies. This is really weird to ask, but do I need to have a talk with him about dating in the modern world? I doubt he’s thought about sexually transmitted diseases for forty years. I read something about HIV spreading at nursing homes and immediately thought of my grandpa. How do I talk about sex to the guy who taught me how to play catch?”

Hold still while I pin this tastefully tacky “World’s Best Grandkid” ribbon on your polo. You’re fucking A right Gramps needs to be prepared to re-enter the dating (and presumably sexing) atmosphere. Now, it would be naïve to assume he didn’t already know the rudiments: sexually transmitted infections (STIs) have existed since the first dirty cave people realized that rubbing up against each other felt awesome. However, there are a number of reasons elderly folks are actually at an increased risk for trouble and he might need to brush up on some of the finer points of avoiding what he probably called “venereal disease.”

For those of us born in the 80s and later, HIV has always been a threat. It has been in the public consciousness for our entire lives and therefore, we’re more likely to use condoms than older age groups. For Gramps, though, condoms were something that sailors needed when they looked for “good time girls” and sex workers, not what you use when you make it with the widow next door.

Further, because decreased vaginal lubrication after menopause, it’s actually easier to get an STI for an elderly person. And they often wait much longer between sexual health exams, meaning something can go undiagnosed for years. And considering your grandparents were married so long, there’s a real possibility he has never had to learn HOW to perform safer sex practices like putting on condoms.

Promiscuity and STI rates among seniors are increasing and there’s no reason to suspect this trend will slow as the self congratulatory Boomers slide into this phase of life. Thanks to Viagra and Cialis and their ilk, Gramps can look forward to years of potential boots-knockin with the little old ladies nearby, but he needs to know what to do to avoid becoming one of the 10% of new HIV cases that are people over 50.

One thing I want to impress upon you is that although your concern and willingness to help mean you can do a great deal to lead Gramps in the right direction, it IS a little awkward for you both to do the actual education. He might learn more if you point him towards the information, rather than instruct him personally. There are sexuality educators available who work with seniors whom he won’t have ever diapered, and they will gladly help answer his questions.

What you can do:

-look into programming at the local senior center or retirement home and ask if they already have sexually education available.

-contact a local sexual health clinic, Planned Parenthood or health department and ask what is available nearby for Gramps

-show Gramps a few websites about having a healthy sex life as a senior and dating for people who haven’t done so in awhile.

-get pamphlets on sexual health in general, using condoms and talking about safer sex with partners from your doctor, health clinic or Planned Parenthood and give them to Gramps. You can either leave them where he will find them (good plan) or talk to him about how you know he’s about to start dating again and you want him to know about some stuff that has happened since he was last a free agent (better plan). Be prepared to get rebuffed and assure yourself you did the right thing.

Good luck!

Questions? Comments? Violent reactions? Email sexwithtimaree@gmail.com. To see more: http://sexwithtimaree.com

Today’s video of the day comes from Geraldo, where Ann Coulter and I discussed a range of issues.

What kind of relationship do you want your partner to have with his/her exes?(opinion)

Click to respond to an anonymous poll. Check out more at http://sexwithtimaree.com!!

For the past few weeks, a very disturbing video clip of actress Maia Campbell has been rapidly circulating through cyberspace. In the video, the former co-star of the sitcom “In the House” engages in a verbal altercation with an unidentified man. Throughout the exchange, Campbell looks disoriented and disheveled, behaving erratically and lapsing in and out of coherent speech. The video also shows her being verbally abused and threatened by the cameraman and another “friend” who drove her to the strange neighborhood and left her in a car to be ambushed by the mean-spirited paparazzo.

Even more disturbing than the footage itself is the story behind it. Since childhood, Campbell has struggled mightily with bi-polar disorder, causing great stress for herself and her family. Since the death of her mother, famed writer Bebe Moore Campbell, Maia Campbell has slipped further into self-destruction, failing to take her medication and reportedly slipping into drug addiction, theft, and prostitution.

Unfortunately, most of the public conversation about Maia Campbell has treated her circumstance as comedy rather than tragedy. From email chains to gossip blogs to Twitter and Facebook, there has been an endless stream of cruel jokes about Campbell’s recent behavior, as well as the state of her mental health. Outside of the Internet, many radio, print, and television journalists have been equally brutal in their discussion of Campbell’s condition. Such behavior not only reflects society’s continued commitment to representing Black women as irrational, immoral, and hypersexual, but also our stunning indifference to issues surrounding black women’s mental health.

The case of Maia Campbell is not isolated, but part of a consistent pattern of treating the mental health struggles of Black women as comedic spectacles instead of sites of concern and care. From Whitney Houston to Lauryn Hill, prominent Black women have had their falls from grace met with public ridicule and disdain. In the case of Lauryn Hill, who many have suspected to be suffering from clinical depression and bi-polar disorder, the very same press that hailed her genius and beauty now routinely mock her appearance and behavior. This is reflective of a long tradition of fetishizing and exploiting Black female bodies, then discarding them once they are no longer useful for profit or pleasure.

Sadly, this ridicule is not coming primarily from outside forces, but from within the corridors of our own community. In the case of Maia Campbell, nearly all of the negative attention that she has received has come from Black media outlets. Others, like Hill and Houston, have been regularly referred to as “train wrecks” “crack hoes” and “chicken heads” by Black commentators. In addition to being disrespectful, this type of language reduces mental illness (and addiction) to a moral failing rather than a medical condition. Also, by treating mentally ill Black women as “good girls gone bad” rather than human beings struggling with legitimate sickness, we only reinforce deeply held taboos about mental health within the our community.

Given our disproportionately high exposure to incarceration, violence, poverty, homelessness, and parental abandonment, Blacks are particularly vulnerable to mental illness. Although we comprise less than 12 percent of the population, we account for more than 25 percent of the nation’s mental health needs. Despite these staggering numbers, Blacks are among the least likely to seek mental health care. While this reluctance is partly to due to a lack of adequate health care and income, as well as a healthy distrust of the American medical establishment, our culture continues to frame mental illness as a sign of individual weakness.

This is particularly true for Black women, who have had to bear the social burden of being “strong” wives, mothers, daughters, and sisters in the face of various forms of inequality and abuse, both inside and outside of the home. As a result, the need for mental health intervention is often accompanied by feelings of guilt, shame, and humiliation. This is why, despite being 50 percent more likely to suffer from depression than their white counterparts, black women are considerably less likely to seek medical help. Instead, many ignore their symptoms or attempt self-medication through drug and alcohol abuse, all of which only intensify the problem. It is for these reasons that our treatment of women like Maia Campbell has such dangerous implications for the broader community.

We must begin to dismantle all of the stigmas that undermine our collective well-being. Once we’ve done this, we will no longer look at the Maia Campbell video as a source of comic relief. Instead we will be angry at the men who have abused and exploited her illness for their own gain. We will be outraged at the people who gave her illegal drugs and alcohol rather than prayer and intervention. Most importantly, we will replace our culture of judgment and blame with an ethic of love and support. Until we can do these things effectively and consistently, our entire community is in need of healing.

Respect for Marriage Act introduced to overturn DOMA. Also, If you’re against same sex weddings because they destroy the sanctity of the marriage, the only way to not be a hypocrite is to join this movement to prohibit divorce

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“…empowering women in the developing world is both morally right and strategically imperative”

Oops, maybe we shouldn’t have persecuted that war hero for being gay.

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Research on the factors that coincide with early sexual behavior. Teens, fortunately, are more likely to use condoms.

Throughout history, in times of economic deprivation, beauty ideals have gotten heavier. Here it goes again: normal sized models are making a move

One man’s attempt to scientifically test sex with a RealDoll

People who exercise have more sex. Have I mentioned I teach pilates and kickboxing? But allergies can put a cramp in your love life.

In a rare move from a website that encourages cheating: how to tell if your wife is cheating on you.

Interesting diatribe about Lady Gaga and pop princess skankitude

Being too tired is the number one reason for not having sex. I propose mid-afternoon naps and exercise.

Questions? Comments? Violent Reactions? Email Timaree at sexwithtimaree@gmail.com See more at SexwithTimaree.com