1. DCI74 wrote:

This is a very interesting article. It continues to strike me as odd that there seems to be an evolving culture among men that feel their masculinity is somehow in danger or under attack so they make these stupid “that’s gay” attachments to the most normal and mundane things (which is making me more and more disgusted with hip hop culture where that the theme seems to be running rampant but that’s for another thread). I’ve given some thought to some of the things the author mentions since I don’t have any children and I’ll most likely end up middle-aged when I become a father but it’s definitely not because I’m desperately trying to retain some semblance of guy status or boyhood fun. I’ve seen firsthand how my father was able to maintain balance between still having his guy friends and being an involved husband and father so I’m not in the least concerned about that.

2. Logic wrote:

I don’t know what the issue is with men these days. My younger brother often refers to my life as a “poindexter” lifestyle (which consits of a wife, child, home ownership, middle class trimmings, etc), which he is rigorously trying to avoid. Meanwhile, he hits the club every weekend, is a master at Madden, gets pissy drunk, and hardly has any money, but he despises the way I live. Gimme a break! Too many of our young brothers are lost out here, but unlike the white males in the article, they don’t have good jobs and college educations to support that lifelstyle, so they end up stuck. The same mentality exists but without the ammenities.

3. DCI74 wrote:

Indeed Logic. A lot of young boys never grow up and become old boys that want to do everything in their power to avoid real adult responsibility similar to the perpetual state of suspended adolescence you see in hip hop culture.

4. ~JJG~ wrote:

This a very interesting read. I never knew this sentiment was taking place. I don’t understand it. I’m confused.

5. DCI74 wrote:

It’s very simple JJG, there is a segment of men that simply don’t want to grow up enough to embrace the responsibility of being an involved father. They feel having a good career, good woman/relationship, and a strong social life is all they need and want so they completely eschew anything remotely close to fatherhood.

6. Clif Soulo wrote:

I’ve never heard my patna’s say having a kid was “so gay”. I know the sentiment of people saying they wanna mess around and do dumb shit (that they know prolly isn’t the best decision) until they get 30, because that’s the age your “suppose” to settle down.

7. R.oB. wrote:

Interesting article. I must admit that because I’m home right now taking care of my son has be unsettling on the masculine tip. Full disclosure: I’m more an accidental Mr. Mom than a planned one, but still here I am. But now that that phase is passing away, I realized that I was given a special gift: time with my son I otherwise would never have. Before I was commuting to DC on the regular and saw little of my son. Now I know a least 5 of his cries and what they mean. Shit that completely mystified me when my wife just seemed to know.

I also now realize the difference between fatherhood and sperm donation on a very visceral level. During those hours during the day, my son needs me because there is no one else there that can do for him in his helplessness. And that in the face of fear of your masculine identity being threatened reminded of what kind of shit a father is supposed to do: Strong Back Shit (thanks Mos Def). Not Impress Your Boyz Shit which is at the end of the day is Cream Puff Type Shit. Like hollering out “BITCH!” in the street when a hottie simply disses the game your just spit at her. Fools like that deserved to be laughed at. Same here.

8. DCI74 wrote:

Very well said R.oB. If a male is afraid to be himself regardless of what others say then he will always be a male but manhood will elude him.

9. james wrote:

this being america, land of the free, home of the brave, i don’t see any problem with folks not wanting to be fathers–as long as they’re not actively in the habit of producing children.

never heard anybody refer to fatherhood as being “gay.” don’t think i will anytime soon, especially if they want to live it down around me. i don’t approve of grown men using the term “gay,” except in its most adult sense of sexuality or having a good time. for example, i would never tell another adult that his wallpaper looks “gay.” i have, however, been known to use the expression “that’s gay” in conversations with 11 year old girls, and even then i do so quite reluctantly no matter how appropriate it seems.

yes, fathers may be happier, but happiness is probably overrated and transitory in a society that also values misery and drama.

i do, however, think that settling down at 40 to start a family, unless you are still in tremendous physical and mental shape, is too old, for both men and women. for women, it’s just plain dangerous for you to give birth to a baby. for men, how well are you going to be holding up at 50, when junior is 10, especially if you plan on raising active, healthy children that you wish to interact with on a regular basis?

10. DCI74 wrote:

Interesting points james but at least for me, becoming a father after 35 isn’t ideal and certainly wasn’t in the plans but that’s just the way things seem to be headed. I’m not in the least bit concerned about the physical aspect because my health and fitness is better now than it ever was and I doubt my eventual wife will be my age or older. But every situation is different and regardless of your personal beliefs regarding people starting a family at 40 many of those people lead very healthy and happy lives.

11. james wrote:

dci74, yes things are different for everybody. i do have an incurable neurodegenerative disease in my immediate family which has a tendency to strike people down early, so you can see where my belief that life is short comes from. regardless, good luck with your plans; you seem fairly well-positioned to have them all work out the way you want.