After more than a week of controversy, President Obama finally delivered his back-to-school speech to our nation’s children on Tuesday. To the surprise of many Right-wingers who opposed the speech, Obama did not pass out cups of Kool-Aid, ask the kids the children to take blood oaths, or read excerpts from Das Kapital. Instead of offering the surreptitious brainwashing ritual that the wing-nuts promised, the president gave an inspirational message about the value of staying in school, working hard, and realizing dreams. As has become the case with Obama’s most extreme critics, it was much ado about nothing.

To be fair, Obama and his aides enabled the teapot tempest by distributing a lesson plan that included questions like “What can you do to help the president?” While I would argue that such a question is perfectly appropriate –even criticism and loyal dissent are helpful to the process of governing– it only plays into the ever-growing narrative of the president as cult figure rather than statesman. Still, the notion that a Presidential address to schoolchildren is inappropriate is both disingenuous and ahistorical. After all, Ronald Reagan, the patron saint of the GOP, also gave a back-to-school speech to children in 1988. Unlike Obama, however, President Reagan ventured away from a universal feel-good message and offered a defense of supply-side economic policy to a group of pre-pubescent children. I guess presidential indoctrination is okay as long as it’s coming from the Far-Right.

If we are truly worried about the school sanctioned brainwashing of our children, there are far more worthy targets than Obama or any other politician. For decades, schools have been filled with commercial ads, preparing them early to define citizenship through product consumption. Textbooks continue to promote American jingoism at the expense of global respect and solidarity. Anti-gay discourses continue to promote homophobia and cause trauma to gay and lesbian students. Every year, urban schools become increasingly militarized, normalizing a culture of fear and incarceration for our most legally vulnerable children. In the face of these and other legitimate sources of subliminal seduction, the outcry about the Obama speech can be rightly recognized as a cheap political stunt designed to reinforce the image of Obama as an untrustworthy outsider who threatens the very status of American democracy. Sadly, given the racial, cultural, and ideological anxieties that persist within our country, this is a lesson that many of us have yet to learn.

Today’s video of the day comes from The O’Reilly Factor, where I discussed Obama’s speech before the joint session of Congress. Thoughts?

Question to Sexpert Timaree:

“I have a dilemma that seems silly even to me. I’ve been dating the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. No, she really, really is. Her personality is also really great. She’s sweet and smart and thoughtful. I’m totally smitten. I don’t know how I landed her, but we’ve been seeing each other for about 2 months since we met through friends at a party. But as much as people envy my luck at having such arm candy, it’s kind of hell. Everyone in the world is competition now. She gets hit on constantly, even right in front of me. She’s good about it and politely shoos them away. But these guys eyeball me like, “who’s THIS asshole?” It’s incredibly stressful and I feel as though at any second I might end up in a fight with one of these guys or dropped for someone more attractive. And I don’t want to seem too clingy or jealous to her, especially not this early. What am I supposed to do?”

First off, your concern is legit. For every person out there who dreams of trading up from their current partner, there’s another person getting so riled up about the possibility of their relationship falling apart that they accidently cause it to implode with jealousy, insecurity and pansy ass fretting.

BALANCING ACT

As you might have gathered from your experience, couples do best when they’re similar in their levels of attractiveness. People tend to like others who are similar to them and flock to those who have comparable levels of income, education and physical appearance- because they have a lot in common and can view each other as peers. When you see a smoking hot person walk down the street holding the hand of a total fugster, you take notice… and might assume the uggo is extremely wealthy… or ridiculously funny. There has to be some balance of assets to make the investment worthwhile.

Potential rivals for your lady see her…and then see you… and assess your threat level. If they can “get” what she sees in you, they’re less likely to bother extending the effort when rejection seems inevitable. If she appears so outrageously hot that it’s worth the gamble, they might still make a try even if you’re a total catch. Or they might make a play without even noticing that you’re present. In any event, this is going to be a problem.

ON THE UPSIDE

It’s better that she be hot anyway. Even though attractiveness equilibrium is important, physical beauty is more important to men than to women, traditionally. For this reason, heterosexual relationships with a more attractive female are significantly more successful than those with a way hotter guy. However, you might want to make sure you make good money and are always extra super nice to her cause you got to bring something to the table.

TAKE IT AS A COMPLIMENT

Yeah, I know. It’s an honor for the first thirty times someone informs you that your girl is mad fine but grows increasingly arduous thereafter. But she sees something in you and that should be acknowledged and valued. By downplaying your own hotness, you’re devaluing her taste and that’s more disrespectful to her than it is modest for you.

Find out what she likes about you and play it up. Even if you’re not confident, act like it. Chicks dig it.

TRADE DOWN

None of this sounds do-able? You’re just convinced that this whole thing will collapse under the weight of your anxiety? Not feeling like enduring the endless barrage of ego dings that is dating a vixen? Cut your losses and look for someone who’s more your speed. Whether it be Sean Kingston crying out about beautiful girls leading you to suicide or Jimmy Soul warning you never to make a pretty woman your wife, there are plenty of reasons to seek out a safe bet in your next partner.

GET HOTTER

Worried you’re not hot enough? Fine. Stop being a whiny baby and do something about it. Quit your excuses and hit the goddamn gym. Take pride in your appearance, get advice from a trusted stylish friend on what you can do to spiff up a bit, and not only will you look better, but you’ll feel it. If there was ever a motivator, she might as well be it. Good luck!

Questions? Comments? Violent reactions? Email Timaree at sexwithtimaree@gmail.com For more, check out http://sexwithtimaree.com

Today’s video of the day makes me laugh. Family, please don’t let this be your kid.