On Tuesday, John Allen Muhammad, the D.C. sniper, was put to death by lethal injection. While many have celebrated the execution, I am left with a profound sense of sadness and disappointment at our continued use of the death penalty — rather than life in prison — as a form of justice. Like most humans, I struggle to find any sympathy for Muhammad. Instead, my heart goes out to the 13 innocent people murdered or wounded by Muhammad, as well as the millions of citizens who were placed in a 20-day state of terror because of the heartless assassin. Still, I refuse to allow my moral outrage to degenerate into rage and bloodlust.

While some focus on the moral dimensions of the death penalty per se, I make no such argument. In all honesty, I remain conflicted about whether “eye for an eye” justice has a rightful place in a civilized society. No, my concerns are far more pragmatic. How can a nation with such a deeply flawed criminal justice system feel comfortable doling out the most extreme and irreversible punishment imaginable? How can we continue to use state-sanctioned murder as a crime deterrent when all evidence says that it doesn’t work? While the Muhammad case is a clear-cut instance of guilt, our laws must reflect the broad range of death penalty cases that are far more circumstantial and murky.

Right now, many of you are saying “If it were your loved one murdered by Muhammad you’d feel differently.” While that is probably true, it is hardly the point. If I were personally connected to such a tragedy, I would be craving vengeance rather than justice. I would not be my best self. I would not have the moral clarity to make or impose justice. And I would hope that someone would have the courage and character to demand more from me, and from our society. Without such intervention, we would all fail to realize our full moral potential.

Question to the Sexpert:

“I know you’re not like the Ambassador to Gay or anything, but maybe you have some insights: why do gay boys think they can grab women and sexually harass them and it’s ok because they’re gay? I have a few different gay guy friends who do this. We go out and they grab my boob in the midst of conversation, trying to be funny. Or they spank my ass as I walk by. It would be outrageous if a straight guy did it, but since they’re gay I’m supposed to be ok? What is up with that?”

Wait a minute! I’m NOT the Ambassador to Gay? But I’ve been planning on using diplomatic immunity to get out of a string of offenses I’ve been racking up over the last couple weeks. Now I need a new plan and I don’t think I know near enough pig farmers to dispose of all the evidence.

You’ve mentioned a phenomenon that has been noticed by more than a few women before. I collected a few choice stories to flesh out the picture for those readers who have not had the honor of being a molested Fag Hag (or, as one associate refers to them, Fabulatrons).

“I’m a straight guy in the theater and I’d see the gay guys in the cast just walk in and out of the women’s dressing room like it was nothing. My ex girlfriend was an actress and she complained about gay dudes in her plays just walking through while girls were changing and grab her boob randomly because it was funny. It really pissed her off.”

“I work in a nightclub and the atmosphere is generally flirty all around. But if a straight dude tried to actually touch me, security would be all over them. Gay dudes jokingly grab my ass or flap up the back of my skirt and it’s just supposed to be funny.”

The purpose of these stories and this column in general is not to come down hard on gay dudes for being a bunch of insensitive jerks. The reality is that harassment can happen to anyone and come from anywhere, but it’s rarely mentioned if the harasser is expected to be innocuous and harmless.

And for the blinding flash of the obvious moment of today: clearly not all gay men engage in this behavior.  Further, women can perpetrate this same kind of harassment to other women, but this behavior is rarely corrected at the time, even if the harassed person is upset.

“I have a female friend who, when she gets drunk, gets real grabby. Sometimes it’s funny, but regardless of how I feel when it happens, it’s like I’m not allowed to be anything more than a little annoyed because she’s a woman and therefore can’t possibly mean anything by it.”

There’s a lot of ways to read these types of behavior from gay dudes and straight chicks, some of them more sane than others.

INTERPRETATION 1: WOMEN GET OBJECTIFIED BY ALL OF SOCIETY

It’s never ok to grab a woman’s body, especially the parts designated as sexual, without her consent. It doesn’t matter if you’re not intending to go any further or doing it for humor. When you do this, you are no different than a straight man who does the same thing for entertainment. It’s exploitative and rude.

INTERPRETATION 2: WE HAVE DIFFERENT IDEAS OF PERSONAL SPACE

Cultures of women and gay men are distinct and unique from other cultures in our society. The rules of comradery and closeness mean that personal space is shared different between two female friends or between a woman and a gay male friend. Perhaps this closeness (which on the good side means plenty of tight hugs and hand holding) can have an unintended consequence of over-familiarity.  Just speak up if you think someone has crossed the line and let them know it bothers you. It’s their job to respect it.

INTERPRETATION 3: CONSPIRACY THEORY

There’s always the possibility that the gay men or straight women offenders are pulling off the most elaborate practice joke ever just so that they can periodically grab a boob or two. There’s always the thought, “maybe he’s not really gay,” or “maybe she really is.” I wouldn’t so much worry about it. I’d stick with the first two interpretations because that’s a hell of a straight man who would go to the trouble of dating and blowing men just so he could walk into women’s dressing rooms.

Or maybe he’s bi. Whatever. Everyone, just take note: don’t be a bunch of Grabby Gertrudes and we’ll all be just fine.

Questions? Comments? Violent Reactions? Email Timaree at sexwithtimaree@gmail.com See more at SexwithTimaree.com

Today’s video of the day comes from BET Hip-Hop Awards, where Mos Def, Black Thought, and Eminem go in on a “freestyle” cypher. Whose verse was hotter?

How do you feel about the successful protest of Rush Limbaugh’s attempt to buy a minority stake in the St. Louis Rams?

In general, I am reluctant to deny opportunity to individuals based on their political beliefs. After all, dissenting opinions and rigorous debate are central to sustaining rich public conversation. In the case of Limbaugh, however, this is not about free speech. This is about a private organization, the NFL, deciding that a prospective owner is bad for business. Because of his inflammatory comments as a political pundit, as well as specific remarks about African-American football players, Limbaugh would be the object of perennial scrutiny, protest and boycotting, none of which are good for the collective profit-making that drives NFL owners.

Yesterday’s polls suggest that, for the first time, a majority of Americans disagree with President Obama’s politics. What happened?

Three things. First, Obama is a victim of an economic crisis that makes it hard for any president’s policies to be popular. Second, he allowed Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, two of America’s most divisive figures, to be responsible for a foreseeably controversial health care bill. Finally, the Republicans have developed a simple but effective strategy of blocking every effort Obama makes without offering any real solutions themselves. As a result, Obama, like Reagan, is becoming a wildly popular president with very unpopular policies. Not to worry though, a successful health care bill, and good news in Afghanistan, could turn those numbers around quickly.

Who will win the World Series?

The Yankees have the best team in baseball, but I’m going to pick my hometown Philadelphia Phillies in six games. To quote Rudy Tomjanovich, “Never underestimate the heart of a champion.”

Today’s video of the day comes from the incomparable John Coltrane. In this clip, he’s playing “Naima” live.