Question for the Sexpert:

“So I got asked if I ‘spit” the other day, and be being the smart ass I am, said, ‘Both. Well I can, but in reality if the girl is doing it right, she’s going to swallow some. Every girl try to spit but can’t always and even if they can, if they’re doing it right, they swallow some stuff.’ The guy was confused. I know I’m right. Right? Do guys just suck at knowing the details of good BJ? I can’t explain this to him, so I need some help. And more importantly, I need to be right. ☺”

Upon first reading this question, my reaction was “I can see why the guy was confused.”

I’m just picturing this dude, mildly smarmy and moderately sleazy but generally harmless, attempting to flirt you up and dropping this question in the conversation as a lazyass effort to show interest and seem ‘edgy’ or something. I, of course picture this scene in a bar because basic social mores seem to stop at the door with the bouncer. Outside it’s sexual harassment, inside the bar it’s all good, right?

And you, having lost the novelty of hearing this question sometime back in the mid ‘90s, decide to answer him with a direct, literal answer in a crafty stab at catching the horny nerdlinger off his guard.  Well played, my dear… I think.

I’m going to make a leap of assumption here, something that is generally hugely inadvisable in matters of sexuality, hoping to make this productive for your future conversations. I’m going to assume you were referring to pre-cum as the inevitable bit of man juice that BJ-givers are going to swallow, and not actual sperm-infused semen.

So, to answer your question about whether or not you’re right: if no barrier/condom is used and pre-cum counts, then you are technically correct. Someone going down on a man can fully expect to get an amount of bodily fluid in their mouth that is fairly difficult to avoid ingesting prior to ejaculation. The liquid is not nearly as substantial, globular or salty tasting (in addition to not having sperm, unless he has recently ejaculated- in which case there may be some left over spermies in the pre-cum) as ejaculate but it still counts.

I would also like to take this opportunity to address the matter of the spit v swallow case in my own personal Sex with Timaree Supreme Court. The practice of swallowing a man’s semen upon his orgasm is one that carries with more than a few implications, connotations and complications. Some men think that a woman is not skilled at blowjobs unless she swallows, others appreciate the aptitude required to change pace in a short amount of time in order to refrain from inadvertently swallowing while maintaining pressure and suction. Some people feel an emotional component to the act, as though swallowing makes the sex more intimate, much like how many people interpret sex without condoms as being more intimate.

All that is for ya’ll to decide for your own damn selves. All I can say is: swallowing does increase the likelihood of STI transmission, especially if you have any little tears in your mouth/throat (from eating chips, sleeping with your mouth open, etc) because it’s my job to give you that heads up (pun totally intended). And I can also say that not everyone likes to swallow because the taste is sketchy, the consistency is disconcerting, etc and those people, who are kind enough to give the head in the first place, ought not be forgotten.

Now in truth, there is a sensation component to swallowing: the continuation/increase of suction caused by swallowing can be electrifyingly intense at the point of extreme sensitivity that is orgasm, so let’s also not forget that.

But gentlemen, be grateful for the BJs you get, do not mourn the BJs that could be. And if there is nothing else that this column can teach you: don’t be a douchebag and think “do you swallow?” is a legitimate conversation point.

Timaree Schmit is a trained sexologist who has also worked as an HIV prevention counselor and sex educator. She has written widely for numerous publications and was recently recognized by Coed Magazine as one of the 10 Most Famous College Sex Columnists in America. Timaree is completing a doctorate in Human Sexuality at Widener University.

Do you have a question or comment? Please email Timaree directly at sexpert@MarcLamontHill.com