1. Blaxx wrote:

I’m not too surprised about John Forte, he had some very powerful people supporting him.

I was wondering the same thing about Cuba Gooding Jr. I was like “Damn nigga, when did you become the new Wesley Snipes with all your shit going straight to DVD?” Linewatch and The Way of War are both terrible by the way.

I made a joke to my best friend that people aren’t truly in a relationship anymore unless their Facebook status says they are and who that relationship is with. People treat that shit more seriously than marriage. “ZOMG! Your status says you’re no longer in a relationship, what did that nigga do?”

Cancel House of Payne. Arrest Tyler Perry.

I’ve never had a woman even attempt to pay for anything on the first date. You mean to tell me that some women try to save face by going for the purse? That must be a Philly thing

On that note…Fuck Philly and all y’all sports teams LOL

2. Piscean Princess wrote:

Since I have no life, uh…Dr. Marc, you CLEARLY have a life! I often ponder lots of random questions. Here are 20 that have been on my mind lately:

2) Aren’t you surprised as hell that President Bush pardoned rapper/producer John Forte?

I had never heard of this gentleman prior to your post the other day, but given what you told us, yes…I am stunned.

6) Does anyone believe women on a first date when they pretend to reach for their wallets to “pay the bill?”

Anytime I’ve ever done that, I had the ability to pay and certainly would have. Fortunately, I’ve never had to. I have been able to refuse a 2nd date for different reasons.

9) Who the hell keeps casting Cuba Gooding Jr. in ghetto roles?

There’s another one out? Good heavens…

14) Why do people take MySpace and Facebook so damn seriously?

If you find out, please let me know.

15) Why do people always pretend that the seat next to them on the train is occupied?

I believe you know very well what the answer to this question is…

16) Before Michelle Obama, would Salon.com have written an article about any First Lady’s butt?

Please see answer #15, above.

3. DCI74 wrote:

1. Damn straight, sleep on Eli if you want but he may be on his way to another Super Bowl MVP award.

2. Shocked as hell.

3. The Knicks have until 2010 to go from being the most embarrassing team in professional sports to being the big winners of free agency.

6. Lol hell no. How about the women that suddenly have to use bathroom just as the check is arriving?

10. Man leave Jay alone.

11. Better yet how stupid can he be to not know the laws with a wife as an attorney?

13. That show jumped the shark the second it aired, utter trash.

14. Because they have too much free time on their hands.

15. Personal space bruh personal space!

17. Yep Barkley is right.

4. gigi wrote:

Actually, you should look at the tissue after you blow your nose(also look at phelgm when you spit). The color indicates if you are getting sick…the darker the mucous (yellow, green, etc.)…the greater the chance you are coming down with something. Gross I know but true.

5. Kim wrote:

Since I also have lots of free time and no social life (seriously), I’m going to comment on a few of the questions that you ponder. Because quite frankly, with some of them, I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.
#4. I agree, it so feels like she won. You are so funny.
#5. Well, she did start the trash talk. But, it takes real maturity to get past that and quite frankly, I think I would hold a grudge. Don’t judge me.
#6. I’ve never done that.
#9. Shouldn’t Cuba Gooding Jr., but like at Will Smith’s level by now. So sad.
#12. Plaxico – what an idiot. But, with a name like that, what do you expect.
#13. I love you. Finally someone who feels my pain. I have tried to watch that show, but I can’t.
#14. My Space and Facebook. I don’t have one or know anyone who does. What the hell does that say about me? Ok, don’t judge me.
#15. Being that I live in New York City and ride the subway everyday, this is an easy one. For me, I have some serious personal space issues. Unless, I’m sitting next to a handsome, great smelling guy like you, then invade away. I’m not flirting really.

Anywho, I really enjoy your articles in the Metro which I pick up, every day. You’re So Smart. LOL.

6. Regkam2 wrote:

Is it me or is Barack’s cabinet very Hawkish (pro war)? People will be very disappointed when we see how the US will continue this military industrial complex and continue with its plan to go after Iran. Also, we also will be disappointed when the economy continues to sink…..where in the hell will Barack get the $$ to create 2.5 million jobs? Opps, I forgot the Federal Reserve has no problem printing more greenbacks and putting the bill to our grandbabies….

7. anita wrote:

*If I didn’t have to pay for a man’s dinner and could still get the good stuff, I’d be all too excited… and by the way
*I hate the Manning brothers
*Hillary 2012, and her cabinet is already set up, jk
*Philly sux and so does it’s sports teams…
(i went to philadelphia once; it was closed) w.c.fields

**I’ve been wondering how other people are taking Pres elect Obama already breaking campaign promises before he takes office?**

8. anita wrote:

(and by “good stuf” i mean more than gettin some action)

9. Mrs. Rivers wrote:

Here’s another question to ask:
Whats up with the ‘Lesbians who would absolutely marry Marc Lamont Hill’ Group on Facebook? lol

10. ~JJG~ wrote:

Mrs. Rivers,

I saw that too…lol.

11. R.oB. wrote:

1) never underestimate people’s capacity to playa hate. Obama is even now by some. . Why would a young buck like Eli be different?

2) surprised but not shocked. Legacy is on his mind.

4) Change is not the same as revolution through stupidity. Why do people sleep on this man to lead? It’s his vision. The rest are hired to execute. He’s hired people who can.

5) She campaigned for the man whom she claimed didn’t pass the presidential threshold. I don’t look for truthtelling in campaigns which traffic at their best in exaggeration.

12. R.oB. wrote:

11) this nation can barely remember what happened last year. Kids prolly think “So Ruff” is a remix of Ice Cube’s “How to Survive in South Central” if they see the video on VH1.

13. wouldn't you like to know? wrote:

why all the hostility towards philly??? ((waving))

though i’m shocked as all hell Dubya pardoned Mr. Forte…i would probably slip into a coma if he excused Mr. Jamal…

question: why is it that blaxx won’t teach me some of this sports crap…so i can awnser a few of these questions???

#4….she did win, didn’t she?

#6….it all depends on who intiated the date…at least in my opinion. if i asked a guy out, i have no problem paying the bill…but if he asks, i’m not pretending shit, and i’m ordering lobster…

#7…i don’t feel sorry for any of these mofo’s
#8…that said, thanx for showing me how to make a super cool fly guy

#9…this is an easy one, Tyler Perry…duh!
#10…How is Luda’s album??…haven’t heard it yet…

#11…isn’t it more ashame that he wants people to pay him for rights to use that bullshit???

#12…seriously, isn’t dude a dumbass???
#13….

#14…Doc, why haven’t you posted my last comment i’ve sent you on thanxgiving???….i’m still waiting on your response to “how was the turkey!” shit, where’s my gun???

#15…that’s easy, they don’t want their heads chopped off in case they fall asleep…

#16…hell no, because no other first lady had a donk like hers…they ain’t never seen an ass like herrrzzzz….

#17…yes.

#18…gigi awnsered that ever so eloquently….(thanx btw-i never knew that)

#19…nope look at Evander’s old ass…

#20…cheer up, buy a cheese steak or something…it’ll be aiight.

14. wouldn't you like to know? wrote:

can someone ask bush to pardon my typos??

lmao!

15. Blaxx wrote:

Here’s another question to ask:
Whats up with the ‘Lesbians who would absolutely marry Marc Lamont Hill’ Group on Facebook? lol

Comment by Mrs. Rivers — December 4, 2008 @ 1:04 pm

LMAO!! Why have I not seen this group?

My question: How many stalkers does Dr. Hill have hiding in the bushes outside the Hill compound? Before it was just one or two but now I’m afraid they might have created a tent city or some kind of shanty town

16. Mena wrote:

Im def. a stalker of his….which is why I’ve asked WYLtK for Marc’s birth info, so I could make a natal compatibilty chart!

…..she refused! Selfish

17. wouldn't you like to know? wrote:

Mena, question…how would i know his birth info?

i’m into astrology, but i’m no psychic…

18. natural nubian wrote:

1) I live in NY but am from the south–i’ll drop dead b4 i admit to NYGiants being a legit team. Heck, I’ll even cheer for the Eagles! Not to mention the Manning Bros can’t grow facial hair (losers)

4 & 5) All I can do is pray that Obama has his head screwed on straight. I don’t know what he was thinking choosing Hillary for anything.

6) Any lady knows she never pays for the bill on the 1st date. If he can’t afford you, he should’ve never offered to take you out! hence, the necessity to have a pre-date phone conversation or after work drinks to get a feel for the woman. don’t be tryna wine-n-dine, not knowing she doesn’t know how to turn on her stove and will be ordering 2 main courses of lobster ’cause she needs tomorrow night’s dinner (i’ve done this only ’cause buddy thought he was God’s gift–had to knock him down a few financial pegs back to reality)

7) I need a dayum bail-out! How ’bout my company just rescheduled the “holiday party” to AFTER the new year! january 14th to be exact!! what holiday is around then!?! oh yea, the CEO was straight up and said the firm ain’t payin’ for folks who will get cut by jan. 1. ain’t that some *ish?!?!

so u jobless AND you don’t get to drink/eat up on the company’s tab b4 u get a crappy package. I need a dayum bail-out!

12) Plaxico Burress = fool of the year. Ain’t nobody tryna run up on you. Negro pu-leeze.

15) the train seat next to me usually gets taken by some black woman who thinks she’s entitled to a seat since she paid her $2 fair, so lil ol’ me pretending it’s taken is a battle i never win.

18) as disgusting as this sounds, i even take a peek at my poop. many physicians agree that the #1 way to see if you’re healthy is to see what color your waste is.

19. natural nubian wrote:

and doc, it’s true you’re gettin’ lesbian facebook goupie-love?

20. Mena wrote:

WYLTK…..I was desperate, and took a shot into the dark

21. econwhat wrote:

2) Aren’t you surprised as hell that President Bush pardoned rapper/producer John Forte?

Bush to Forte: “Now that we kinda BFF (or at least for the next four years, imma need you and your crew to give Obama some hell now, ya know what Im saying…do you” j/k LOL, seriously!

22. zak wrote:

When I ask a lady out, the question “can I buy you dinner?” comes out of my mouth, so I’m fucked from the door. I can’t wait for the day I’m on a first date and say to her, “oh, shit. I lost my wallet, baby…can you get dis?” I’m just playin’. I like to pay for the first date. However, after three years in, it’s more like , “bitch, can you stop ordering the $30 steak. You got steak money? because that’s you…that’s on you…you fat fuck.”

On the stalking Marc tip, that would be insane if a group of people started stalking Marc…crazy like the wine I saw him drinking in his kitchen Monday at 7:17 PM, or the movies he was watching in his bedroom at 10:16 PM last night.

23. DCI74 wrote:

“1) I live in NY but am from the south–i’ll drop dead b4 i admit to NYGiants being a legit team. Heck, I’ll even cheer for the Eagles! Not to mention the Manning Bros can’t grow facial hair (losers)”

Lol wow, word nn? Denial is an amazing thing, 11-1, undefeated with their best WR on the sidelines, a punishing run game and swarming defense but still not legit? ok…

24. wouldn't you like to know? wrote:

LMFAO @ zak… you’re a f**king fool…I LOVE IT!

ladies, golden rule number one in dating: never order what you can’t pay for…

i’m one of those women that actually like ordering drinks for men (i don’t know) when i’m out…i think it’s refreshing for the guy to see a woman take the intiative like that…

25. natural nubian wrote:

DC, it’s just the air of cockiness that NYers now have ’cause they got a chmp’ship from a QB that looks like his body never developed past puberty. I mean it’s about freakin’ time!! e’rybody has the post-#1 high when they win a ring. not 2 mention patriot’s boo-boo brady is stuck like chuck for the rest of the season so with the top peg knocked off, it’s only natural the entire que moves up. the trick is to keep it up for more than just one shining moment. i’m a T.O. fan anyway!

26. Blaxx wrote:

For all the sexy stalkers out there, Dr. Hill’s birthday is at the end of December. If you plan on jumping out of a birthday cake nekkid, please contact me or DC by the 15th, you must go through the screening process.

27. gigi wrote:

screening process…hehehehehe!

28. Blaxx wrote:

zak, if you plan on jumping out of a cake nekkid, go seek some help. We don’t want none of that over here son LOL.

Regarding the question about seats on the train, my subway ride (yeah I take the subway to my new job now, I’m not paying $16 a day for parking) is less than 30 minutes, about 15 minutes on 1 train, transfer, 10 minutes or so on the next. I never sit down unless I want to read (I refuse to read standing up, what am I? Some sort of animal?). My question regarding public transit is why everyone in Toronto feels the need to run off the train at Sheppard-Yonge station and push each other, fighting to get onto the 1 elevator or 4 escalators that lead down to the Northbound and Southbound trains that come every 45 seconds? If you miss one, there’s gonna be another one (Kinda like women)

29. Tanya wrote:

2) Aren’t you surprised as hell that President Bush pardoned rapper/producer John Forte?

Nope! Not at all! John didn’t do anything THAT bad, and he’s famous and had famous friends advocating on his behalf.

Like WYLTK, I would pass out if Bush pardoned Mumia!

6) Does anyone believe women on a first date when they pretend to reach for their wallets to “pay the bill?”

OMG!!! This is so my move!!! I ALWAYS do this on the first date! Of course I have no true intention to pay for the meal, but I just want to see if the guy would be so low as to let me pay for it. I’m a very independent, self-sufficient woman who can pay for my own meal 10 times over, but I’m a traditionalist and I think it is the man’s responsibility to pay for a woman, PERIOD! If dude lets me pay, he’s out, for good! Thankfully, no one has ever let me pay. I vet men very well!

WYLTK – You ask men out?!?!?!? That’s a NO-NO in my book!

13) Has there ever been a less funny television show than Tyler Perry’s “House of Payne?”

Nope! Never in history! I can’t believe that crap is still on the air.

14) Why do people take MySpace and Facebook so damn seriously?

I have yet to develop a MySpace or Facebook page. I always thought I was above all that! I mean MySpace is the ghetto of the internet! But I realize it’s an excellent marketing tool, so when my book comes out, I will jump on the band-wagon!

30. ~JJG~ wrote:

WYLTK,

“ladies, golden rule number one in dating: never order what you can’t pay for…”

I agree with you on this, but I also think it is gentleman like for a man to pay on the first date.

31. zak wrote:

Blaxx,

You read my mind. I should seek some professional help because I had the idea. It involved sparklers and champagne and…you don’t wanna know what I was gonna do with that champagne.

32. Tanya wrote:

15) Why do people always pretend that the seat next to them on the train is occupied?

I don’t take the subway that often, at all, but the few times I have taken it, I NEVER sit down. Those seats are filthy!

On the Amtrak, who wants to sit next to a stranger for an hour, not I! Besides, I always travel heavy and I need my space, plus I have a huge kinosphere.

33. Blaxx wrote:

I pay for every date, even on the dates that are not dates LOL. I went to lunch with my best friend a couple weeks ago and she said “Lunch on me?”, I refused at first but reluctantly relented…until the check came. I snatched that shit so fast. LOL.

Unfortunately, she tricked me once we got outside and slipped money into my pocket. Gave me the “Thanks for lunch” hug and caught me slippin.

34. Blaxx wrote:

Kinosphere? Why don’t you just say booty Tanya? LOL

35. zak wrote:

I’m the same way. I pay for all meals. I pay for the ex-girlfriend’s meal when we occasionally hang out…and I can’t stand her.

36. wouldn't you like to know? wrote:

Tanya, i don’t think it’s anything wrong with asking a guy out. i think it’s a possibilty you’ll miss out on something if you don’t. i also like buying fly dips drinks when i’m out…what’s the big deal? it’s only money. i like having a good time. and sometimes i think i come off as unapproachable to men, so i like to approach them…it’s not something i do all the time, but i’m not afraid to do it, nor am i too good to do it…

~JJG~ i totally agree with you, but when you don’t know a guy you always have to be prepared for the dumb stuff…

37. Blaxx wrote:

I pay for the ex-girlfriend’s meal when we occasionally hang out…and I can’t stand her.

Then why do you hang out with her? Bonus nights?

38. Blaxx wrote:

Ms. Chong, marry me

39. Tanya wrote:

LOL!!! No not booty! I don’t have a big butt, at all!

Kinosphere is the personal space around you. It’s like an energy circle drawn around you.

If you have a huge kinosphere that means you don’t like people standing too close to you or sitting too close to you. If you have a small kinosphere that means you like people being very close to you.

When it comes to my mom, my boyfriend, or my little cousins, I love them very close to me. But everyone else, I need major space, so I have a huge kinosphere.

40. Blaxx wrote:

Just to clarify, I know what a kinosphere is. I just couldn’t resist dropping that joke. I have a big kinosphere as well. I observe the universal law of “2 Feet”, if anyone gets too close to me, I back em off with “Yo bruh, 2 feet” and box them out with my arm. Love doing it to people who are a lil too friendly on the train.

41. Tanya wrote:

Kinosphere is a term in Kinesiology. I studied it as part of my dance program!

42. Tanya wrote:

Blaxx,

Oh, OK!!!

43. Blaxx wrote:

Ahhh, Kinesiology. One of my boys is taking that in university, we constantly crack on him, telling people he’s majoring in gym LOL.

44. ~JJG~ wrote:

Zak,

“I pay for the ex-girlfriend’s meal when we occasionally hang out…and I can’t stand her.”

LOLOLOLOL…for dayz.

45. Tanya wrote:

Zak,

You’re a great man!!!

46. Tanya wrote:

WYLTK,

To each its own!

What’s “fly dips drinks”?

47. wouldn't you like to know? wrote:

you guys are cracking me up today!

Blaxx i may have to take you up on that offer, considering DC stay sleeping over there…

48. Derwin wrote:

Who the hell watches the House of Payne? Crack is wack yall, and so is House of Payne?
Who the hell takes women out to a resturant. She betta know how to cook (and garden). We’re in a recession.

49. wouldn't you like to know? wrote:

a fly dip, is a fly brotha…i call cute guys “dips”…a term my girls and i use….

pardon the confusion…

50. Blaxx wrote:

LMAO @ Derwin!!!

That’s economical pimp flava right there

51. Tanya wrote:

WYLTK,

LOL, oh, ok! I thought it was a type of drink or something!

I don’t really buy men drinks. But if I go out and I see a client, I’ll send him a drink. If I go out and I see an ex-boyfriend, I’ll send him a bottle. This is only a power move, it’s not a “mating” social move!

52. Blaxx wrote:

Client? Whoa, calm down there Heidi Fleiss LOL

53. Mrs. Rivers wrote:

6) Does anyone believe women on a first date when they pretend to reach for their wallets to “pay the bill?”

- A long long time ago, when Ray and I first started dating, we got burgers at Steak & Shake on Valentine’s Day. I pulled out my wallet, paid, and told him with a straight face, “this is not a date”. Seemed to work don’tcha think?

12) If Plaxico Burress was really worried about his safety, why not hire a security team instead of carrying an illegal weapon?

– Thats why God created Goons, right?

18) Why do people look in the tissue after they blow their noses?

– Its like the prize in the Cracker Jack box. You know its whack, but you gotta see what you got!

20) With all other Philly teams underachieving, is it baseball season yet?

PHILLY SUCKS!!!!!

54. Blaxx wrote:

Well Samara, in the case of your whole “This is not a date” thing. You just took the trick to a different level. That was like “Trick a nigga 2.0″ right there. Not only did you make him think “Wow, this woman is great, she offered to pay” but now he’s like “Oh, that’s just my friend Sammy”. I’ve recently fallen for my best friend and it sounds very familiar to your situation (”We’re just friends”). You women and your deceit. I’m on to you.

P.S. If my ending is even half as happy as Sammy and Ray’s ending, then I’ll be doing cartwheels with sunshine and rainbows shooting out my ass.

55. Tanya wrote:

Blaxx,

You damn sexist you!

If I was a man and I referred to “my client” you think legitimate business deal. But b/c I a woman, I say “my client” and you think – madam, prostitution!

Did Hilary and Palin teach you nothing!?!?!

For the record – I’m a decent and dignified, honest and law abiding, GOD-fearing, legitimate businesswoman, Thank you very much!!!

56. Tanya wrote:

“Trick a nigga 2.0″ – Blaxx

LMAO!!! That move does take it to a whole new level!

57. DCI74 wrote:

I thought you had a big butt Tanya.

58. Tanya wrote:

LOL @ DC!!! I wish I had some more stacks back there! But I don’t!

59. wouldn't you like to know? wrote:

that’s why sammy’s my girl…she’s Bossay!

blaxx what happened to the other girl??
damn boy, you don’t waste any time do you?…such a pimp.

60. Blaxx wrote:

If I was a man and I referred to “my client” you think legitimate business deal. But b/c I a woman, I say “my client” and you think – madam, prostitution!

No, if DC said that if he saw his ‘client’ at a club and sent her a drink I would try to find out who was pimpin DC and find out if I could muscle him out. Do you know how much money you can make from lonely women when you tell them you’re going to set them up with a dude named Damion Sincere? If zak had mentioned a client however, I wouldn’t want no part of what he’s sellin LOL

61. Blaxx wrote:

The other girl got fired like Sam Mitchell. That was about a month ago.

62. wouldn't you like to know? wrote:

I Love how Blaxx is screaming everyone’s government in the shop! Pimp B…

63. wouldn't you like to know? wrote:

another one bites the dirt huh blaxx???

64. Tanya wrote:

“Do you know how much money you can make from lonely women when you tell them you’re going to set them up with a dude named Damion Sincere? If zak had mentioned a client however, I wouldn’t want no part of what he’s sellin LOL” – Blaxx

LMAO!!!!!!!!!

65. DCI74 wrote:

Wow Blaxx, how did I wrapped into this conversation???

66. Blaxx wrote:

I Love how Blaxx is screaming everyone’s government in the shop! Pimp B…

Comment by wouldn’t you like to know? — December 4, 2008 @ 5:18 pm

Well Damion Sincere is not his real name, Mrs. Rivers’ old name used to be rayandsamara.com and Ms. Chong is the name of your MySpace page so WHO IS SHOUTING OUT PEOPLE’S GOVERNMENTS?!?

DC, you got involved in this conversation because there aren’t too many men on this blog that I would pimp. Just you and Dr. Hill really.

67. wouldn't you like to know? wrote:

LMAO Blaxx u r crazy negro…loves it..

i know i know, i just had to some how call you out, for calling everyone else out…plus everyone knows “DC” stands for Damion Chong.

68. Tanya wrote:

Blaxx,

You REALLY would get major play off DC!!! Doc too! LOL

69. R.oB. wrote:

Out of all the comedy on this thread: “Trick a nigga 2.0″ takes the cake! LOL Blaxx!

Personally, those kind of women always left a bad taste in my mouth. Way, way too close to prostitution. I’ll never forget the double date I went on. My boy’s girl picked the most expensive restaurant in the area. The food sucked. But that night he got his. Just made me that much more grateful for my wife (then girlfriend) who was big into dutch for real on our first few dates.

70. Tanya wrote:

R.oB.,

Are you equating chivalry to prostitution???

The only woman who pay for their own meal on the first date are insecure women or women with game!

That’s the problem with society, black society at that, men don’t know how to be men anymore. And so, women start playing the man’s role, i.e. paying for ish. Not a good look!

71. econwhat wrote:

5) Speaking of Hillary Clinton, didn’t Obama trash her foreign policy credentials 6 months before choosing her as Secretary of State?

Yup, LOL, but watch what happens in the next six months or so, mark my words, y’all gonna see some ish – wait for it – all lazy as*** will be scrambling to get s*** done, LOL!

72. R.oB. wrote:

Chivalry is just the gilded part of patriarchy. I’m all for being nice, pampering your beau and all that. I do my wife!!! But a woman who tells me that she’s independent but requires here man to serve her shows me two things (1) her attentions are a commodity to be bought and (2) she really doesn’t have any respect for me, just my wallet. Avoided them like the plague to my great benefit.

73. R.oB. wrote:

I was a weird cat on the romantic tip. I naively thought love should trump material concerns. I found indexing a man’s love by how much money he spent to be offensive. It made relationships like traditional marriage: a contract for the exchange of value.

74. wouldn't you like to know? wrote:

Tanya, why do you believe that a woman who pays on the first date is “insecure” or have “game”?? why can’t it be that she’s a cool person, that doesn’t trip about treating a man from time to time??? i believe in being fluid in dating, that’s how things stay fresh and interesting. if everything is predictable things can get boring….very quickly. once i’m bored i’m through. it’s called spontaneity…and it’s actually alot of fun. i love a generous man, but i’m an equally as generous woman….and i don’t think it’s anything wrong with that.

jmo.

75. ~JJG~ wrote:

Since when is marriage not a contract for the exchange of value?

76. DCI74 wrote:

Cosign #71 R.o.B. and # 73 wyltk. I don’t think any less of a woman who decides to pick up the tab on a date, if anything it causes me to think more of her because to me it’s a sign of progressiveness. I can support old-fashioned ideals within reason but I want a woman who isn’t going to be insanely caught up in historical societal roles for men and women. Am I less of a man because I enjoy cooking and don’t expect my lady to be putting it down for me in the kitchen every night? Hell no, she works hard like I do so why shouldn’t I provide for her in that manner. I am more than my wallet but I won’t be disrespected.

77. Blaxx wrote:

I read #75 and just think about all of the women who would love to have Mr. Sincere over there and all of the women who would love to PAY to have him too. DC we gotta talk business man.

78. Mrs. Rivers wrote:

Blaxx – stop trying to pimp DC! lol

I agree. There’s nothing wrong with a woman footing the bill. Isnt that why we have jobs and demand an equal playing field in the workforce and in society? If thats the case, then dont fall back on archaic gender roles when only in convenience.

RoB – I totally feel you. When I met my husband we were 21 and in college. We didnt have a dime to our names at times. If I got a check from my momma or from my little temp job, I took him out. When he got a check, he would take me out. When we didnt have a check — we’ll we’d put our pennies together, buy a bottle of Hennessy and coke, and take it back to my apartment. lol

79. DCI74 wrote:

Blaxx if it means dollars we can definitely talk some sense!

80. Blaxx wrote:

See Sammy, DC is with it. lol

81. natural nubian wrote:

look, i’m all about giving in order to get. but dutch on the first date?? um, negative. regardless if i ask you out, my standards are for a man to pay. it’s the first date!! now about the 4th to 5th date, i’ll be more than happy to treat you. but this comes down to our natural state as men & women. Men want to be the provider and protector. Women want to be cared after and have security. There’s no reason why any man accompanying out a woman on a first date should not be paying. If he can’t afford the initial date (of course expenses are within reason), you can’t get mad if he refuses to pay on the regular…..all ’cause u wanted to “treat” him. If he wants a treat, guy him a snickers bar.

there are always outlying circumstances (he just lost his job, going back to grad school, changing careers, etc.), but then that’s when the lady has to evaluate is she willing to invest time. other than that, the bill’s yours, i’m going to the restroom ’cause we BOTH know you’re gonna pay regardless, don’t gimme no long look or sigh like u didn’t know a main course was $25 and still insisted on me having a 2nd martini.

82. natural nubian wrote:

my bad, *buy him a snickers bar.

83. DCI74 wrote:

“When we didnt have a check — we’ll we’d put our pennies together, buy a bottle of Hennessy and coke, and take it back to my apartment. lol”

That’s what I’m talking about! Make it happen with what you have and at the end of the day it should be about the quality of time spent not the quantity of dollars spent. I swear I hope I can get what you and Ray have Sammy, you two are very blessed.

84. Blaxx wrote:

Ladies, his name is Damion Sincere and he’s single. Holla at me to discuss price and scheduling

85. Mrs. Rivers wrote:

DC, you got a lot of ‘potentials’ right her on the blog!
**slight plug for WYLTK**
And with Blaxx literally putting you out on the auction block, you might just have something in time for Christmas!

86. Blaxx wrote:

Auction? Hell nah, price is non-negotiable.

87. DCI74 wrote:

Ok Blaxx make sure you screen all applicants. She must have a degree or be damn near close to obtaining one. She must have a job, she must have all limbs and teeth. She also must have her own set of friends, must have a passport, must have a gym membership she actually uses or can be doing the home workout thing but she’s got be leading a healthy active lifestyle and she’s got to have a sense of humor.

88. natural nubian wrote:

“all limbs and teeth.”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA @ DC!!!

89. natural nubian wrote:

oh, and let me be the 1st blaxx. i just need DC for some apt repairs. i work too late and my super is a loser. need a new my kitchen light and screw in my bedroom smoke detector in my *wink*

ok, j/k. i knocked it out with my broom handle and now can’t reach the ceiling to screw it back in….it’s hard being 5′3″

90. DCI74 wrote:

“ok, j/k. i knocked it out with my broom handle and now can’t reach the ceiling to screw it back in….it’s hard being 5′3″

Hmm ok, I figured it got knocked out because somebody needed some extra leverage lol.

For real nn, I had to throw the teeth thing in there because seriously something is wrong when a woman under 40 has denture cream in her medicine cabinent!

91. Blaxx wrote:

Damn DC, why you creepin in ladies’ medicine cabinets in the first place? LOL. I have always thought about doing that and debated in my head whether it is morally wrong…or maybe I’m just afraid of what I might find. I guess one of these days I’m gonna just swing that shit open and take a peek, I just hope I don’t find Valtrex or something along those lines, if I do somebody will have to die.

92. wouldn't you like to know? wrote:

if a guy gets too comfortable, because you “treated” him to something, to the point where he doesn’t want to do anything, then he has to go…period. i’m nice but i’m no dummy. i just don’t believe in counting every penny or clocking everything you do for a person…that’s corny to me. if i see that a man is cheap or selfish i’m through. i’m spicy and spontaneous, therefore my guy has to be spicy and generous as well.

i dunno, i have a crazy imagination, and i sometimes like to do things for a guy, without him knowing every detail. i get creative in dating, therfore you gotta spend some bread sometimes.

DC, see, i knew you knew you were the man

93. Blaxx wrote:

need a new my kitchen light and screw in my bedroom smoke detector in my *wink*

It’s a good thing you clarified this because I was about to go off with comments about you needing a screw in your bedroom. Something along the lines of “Damn son, NN is serious about hers. Sign her up”

94. wouldn't you like to know? wrote:

Blaxx you have me dying over here!

95. DCI74 wrote:

Lol @ Blaxx. I had to read nn’s post twice too!

Seriously I didn’t snoop, that’s not my style. I was about to use the bathroom, she’s in the kitchen chopping veggies and cut her finger. As I was going into the bathroom she blew past me to grab a band-aid and I noticed the Fixodent in the cabinet as she was closing it while I was walking in. So yeah that damn sure caught me off guard.

I like the way you think wyltk.

96. Blaxx wrote:

It’s Friday, I’m in a good mood. Actually it’s hard to be upset at this new job. I’d say a good 75% of the employees are women, 80% of the women are beautiful women. 18 floors in the building, beautiful women on every floor, not to mention I’m dead center in Midtown so there are beautiful women outside too. And my best friend met me here today for lunch so let me get my Ice Cube on and say Today Was A Good Day.

97. Blaxx wrote:

Back off DC, I saw wyltk first. I’m offering you up to all these women in the barbershop and you still want mine too?

98. Tanya wrote:

…And a man who lets a woman pay on the first date is an insecure man or a BROKE man.

Chivalry is manhood, and a man without chivalrous manner is a man without his manhood!

99. Blaxx wrote:

Wow Tanya, that’s like a riddle wrapped in an enigma while smoking a cliché lol.

100. Tanya wrote:

R.oB.,

A woman who requires a man to be a man is NOT requiring a man to “serve” her. And that doesn’t mean her attention can be bought, and it doesn’t mean she’s focused on his wallet.

All it means is that she wants a man who understands his position as a protector and a provider.

101. Tanya wrote:

Blaxx,

LMAO!!! “smoking a cliche” – too funny!

102. natural nubian wrote:

pu-leeze, i don’t solicit “sausage” in no blog chat room. but i’ve been debated starting my own business of men willing to help out women around the house. you’d be sooooo suprised how many of us single working women really have no job (or clue) on how to do some of the basic handyman work around the house. why yall think there’s laundry drop-off service, dry cleaning delivery, fresh direct grocery delivery, etc.? ’cause a working woman’s life gets too busy! if i could call up a man any time of the day to get my bathroom tile re-done (yep, messed that one up also), my smoke detector screwed in, my window finally UNjammed, i’d be delighted!! and my momma raised me right so it’s not like i’m gonna let him leave w/o offering ice tea or some lemonade (that’s the southern belle in me). DC and Blaxx yall should really think seriously about this.

103. natural nubian wrote:

oh, and about the bathroom medicine cabinet i snoop EVERY TIME!! ladies, nothing worse than a man with baggage is a man with residue. and i mean residue of the past relationships. why he got 2 toothbrushes? why he got a contacts/solution case when he don’t wear contacts?? why he got body butter cream? you can tell soooooo much from a person’s medicine cabinet you’d be a fool to not take a peek.

104. Tanya wrote:

WYLTK,

There is NOTHING wrong with a woman treating her man! A woman has to do things for her man, including picking up the check once in a while.

And I have no problem doing that. But the operative word here is FIRST. The first date. And yes, even the first 3 to 4 to 5 dates.

If you’re young, broke and in college, and in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, and you split bills and rotate covering each other that’s one thing, and that’s a beautiful thing.

But any grown woman who goes on a first date with a guy, and pays for herself, or pays for him is:

Insecure – “I’m not that pretty, and I’m a bit over weight, so there’s no way he’s REALLY into me. There’s no way this is a REAL date. Let me just pay and avoid him giving me looks and motioning me to pay for myself.”

OR

Chick has major game – Like what Samara did on her first date with her now HUSBAND!!!

I just don’t believe a real man will ever let a woman he’s DATING pay for anything, especially not meals when they go out to dinner.

But a girlfriend or a wife covering her man, is part of the bond!

105. Blaxx wrote:

NN, they already got a business like that, it’s called “GET A BOYFRIEND!!!” LMAO

But seriously, ain’t nobody paying money for that shit when there are endless waves of simps all over the country who will do anything a woman asks without getting anything in return. She just flirts a lil and gets her way. I know because I’ve had women use me in the past and have a bunch of women TRYING to use me in the present.

106. DCI74 wrote:

Coming soon dowhatyoudont.com your one-stop site handyman site for all the things you can’t or don’t want to do. Special prices for single women.

107. Blaxx wrote:

I just don’t believe a real man will ever let a woman he’s DATING pay for anything, especially not meals when they go out to dinner.

I have something programmed into me that prevents me from letting a woman pay for anything on a date unless she’s my bonafide. No matter how much she tries to talk me into it and warm me up to the idea. It’s kinda like how you reprogram a Terminator and send it back in time to protect someone but deep down all it knows to do is kill John Connor.

108. Tanya wrote:

LOL @ Blaxx.

Blaxx you were raised right, and you are a REAL MAN. That’s why you’re “programed” to pay. Very good!

109. natural nubian wrote:

dowhatyoudont.com — DC, that’s why i like u

Blaxx, kiss my axx!

110. Tanya wrote:

LOL!

111. Blaxx wrote:

I never said I wouldn’t help you out NN, I’m particularly handy around the bedroom

112. Blaxx wrote:

Grrr, why does the winking smiley on this blog always look like someone with Bell’s Palsy?

113. wouldn't you like to know? wrote:

Tanya well i guess i’m a unique breed, because i’m neither insecure, fat, ugly, or have game….but i would treat a man to a first date. i don’t put ridiculous rules on people i like. i just go with the flow of what feels right to me.

why does the man HAVE TO treat, just because it’s the first date? when i first started dating, the guys always approached me first and treated me. as i got older i’ve realized, if you see something you like, go for it.

i’ll take the risk of asking a guy out, if i like him. if he turns out to be a jerk, i simply move on. but i’m not going to limit myself, because “i think it’s his duty to treat me first”.

that man could very well turn out to be your husband…hence, Samara.

114. DCI74 wrote:

Hmm I’m glad this thread went in the direction it did. We all definitely have a wide range of perspectives on dating behaviors and expectations.

115. Tanya wrote:

Bell’s Palsy is scary! Have you ever seen someone up close who has it. Yikes!

116. Blaxx wrote:

Tanya well i guess i’m a unique breed, because i’m neither insecure, fat, ugly, or have game

Co-sign. WYLTK is doing it. She’s getting up there on my list, watch out Timaree.

117. Blaxx wrote:

Bell’s Palsy is scary! Have you ever seen someone up close who has it. Yikes!

Comment by Tanya — December 5, 2008 @ 5:33 pm

Only person I’ve ever seen with it is Jim Ross, back in the day when I used to watch wrestling. He didn’t look scary at all though.

118. Tanya wrote:

WYLTK,

In Samara’s case, she looked a COLLEGE DUDE straight in the eyes and said, “This is NOT a date”. I wouldn’t expect him to pay under those circumstances! LOL And it doesn’t take away from his manhood in that circumstance.

BUT…

If you ask a grown man out, and then offer to pay, and HE LET’S YOU, in my humble opinion, he is NOT a man.

It’s cool if you ask him out, and it’s cool if you offer to pay. But there is no way he, as a man, should allow you to pay. If he was properly programmed, he would insist on paying, and actually pay.

That’s just my take on it!

119. DCI74 wrote:

“why does the man HAVE TO treat, just because it’s the first date? when i first started dating, the guys always approached me first and treated me. as i got older i’ve realized, if you see something you like, go for it.”

That is what I mean by progressive. Preach Miss Chong preach! I’m a gentleman all day without even trying but I’m no less of a man and certainly not broke or insecure if every now and then my lady treats me, I mean damn is there something wrong with a man wanting to also feel wanted? I am more than just my power tools and strong back!

120. Blaxx wrote:

I see Tanya is also well versed in “Trick a Nigga 2.0″, I also learned that college dudes are very susceptible to this tactic. This is all going in the manual.

121. Blaxx wrote:

You tell em DC! You got that silky smooth radio voice too and the sexy ass name, Damion Sincere.

Seriously ladies, why are you not hitting me up yet?

122. Tanya wrote:

Blaxx,

Maybe when you saw Jim Ross (I don’t know who he is.) he was over it.

My dad and my uncle (his brother) both had Bell’s Palsy when I was a kid. My mom tried to prevent me and my sister from looking at him when he was sick with it, but being the curious kid I was, I went in the room and looked at my dad’s face and it scared the living day lights out of me!

Bell’s Palsy twists your face to one side and it makes you look like a mutant.

But when you get better your face goes back to normal. Maybe you saw Jim Ross when he was better.

But as a warning, if you come across anyone who is currently sick with it, try not to look directly at their face. It will scare you!

123. Blaxx wrote:

I thought it was a lifetime illness. Jim Ross’ face always looks like one side is frozen, his left eye is always half closed and he can’t move the left side of his mouth but other than that, he doesn’t look mutated or anything. There were times where he would take time off from calling the play-by-play for wrestling matches because they said his Bell’s Palsy was acting up but I don’t know the extent of it because they never showed it.

124. wouldn't you like to know? wrote:

Tanya i see your prespective, but it isn’t necessarily true.

for example, what if you bought tickets to a really cool concert, and there was a guy you liked, and you asked him to join you. he says yes, is he less of a man because he agreed to go???

125. Blaxx wrote:

I’m outta here y’all. Everyone have a fun and safe weekend. We’ll be back to do it again next week. Hit my blog up with comments too, I’ve been writing again. I’m gonna put up the DC personal ad in a couple days as well.

126. wouldn't you like to know? wrote:

LMAO @ this thread…

127. wouldn't you like to know? wrote:

bye blaxx be safe…

128. Tanya wrote:

Blaxx,

(I guess you’ll read this when you get back.)

Trust me, when someone is currently sick with Bell’s Palsy it is very unsightly. But it is not a lifetime disease.

Bell’s Palsy is like Chicken Pox in a way. When someone has Chicken Pox, their skin breaks-out and they have bumps. When they get better the bumps go away. But some people are left with scares from the bumps, and you can still see them even after the are better. The have the scares for life. But they’re not sick with Chicken Pox for life.

Some people heal from Bell’s Palsy very quickly (within a month) and have no signs of it after they are better. This was the case with my dad (Thank GOD!!!).

But some people are sick with it for a year or more, and they are left with slight alterations to their face for life.

Unfortunately, it sounds like Jim Ross was left with some “scaring” that will last for life, but he wont be sick for life. And trust me, when Jim was first sick with it, he looked much worst then the aftermath you saw. I’m sure he looked like a mutant when he was first diagnosed.

Anyone sick with it, at first, does.

129. Tanya wrote:

WYLTK,

That’s apples and pancakes (as my man DC would say)!!!

If you already bought something (ie. tickets) and give it to him, and he accepts, there is nothing against his manhood there, that’s fine. (But the men I know would still reimburse you for the tickets.)

But for the two of you to come face to face with a bill, and you reach for it, and he lets you, he’s NOT a man.

130. BigVic4 wrote:

I love how women always attack your “manhood” when they think they’re proving a point.

They go for your manhood, cuz to them that’s their trump card.

So, no matter the situation, debate or argument

If all else fails,

- “a REAL man wouldn’t, blah, blah ,blah”

- “a REAL gentlemen, would pay for my food, blah, blah blah”

- “a strong black man would blah, blah, blah”

Boy I tell ya…

too many of y’all walkin round with a false sense of entitlement
talking ’bout what a man supposed to be doing for you.

Talking real man this…and real man that…but aint got one.

131. DCI74 wrote:

Preach Deacon BigVic! I’d have a permanent headache if I allowed my behavior or thinking to be dictated by what other people say manhood is or isn’t.

132. R.oB. wrote:

AMEN BicVic4, DCI74 and WYLTK. We are on the same page.

Tanya, an independent traditionalist woman is a contradiction in terms. Chivalry is like the slaveowners who kept their slaves on as hired freedmen. Lipstick on a pig to coin a phrase. For me to be chivalrous in the traditional sense would mean that I don’t respect you as an equal but as social commodities to be “bought” through social currency. I do this, I get that. I pamper my wife because I love her not in order to love her.

That said, I’ve always advised my mentees to pay for things they do. If you ask a girl on a date, you gotta pay because you asked her to spend time with you. That’s only fair. But for my money the best first dates are cheap: they involve lots of talking, enjoyment of art or nature, and getting to know a person with the excited anticipation of a happy ending. Any “woman” who requires you to shell out big dough without even knowing her is basically prostituting herself. And I nor my friends are Johns. We are men who have self-respect and want partners, not social burdens.

Now if I wanted to be a hoe, I’d be all kinds of chivalrous. It’s a means to an end.

133. wouldn't you like to know? wrote:

“That’s apples and pancakes (as my man DC would say)!!!”

girl, you better check yourself before you wreck yourself…DC is my man!!!

if that’s your opinion Tanya, then fine. i just know how i like/want to approach life. i look at people for who they are first, not their wallets… i feel if a guy has a generous heart, then he will have a generous pocket…

i’m a very free non-traditional spirit, that does not mind picking up a tab here and there. if a guy accepts my offer, i wouldn’t think less of him… i’d expect him to be just as giving. if it turns out he isn’t, i’d just move on. i wouldn’t be bitter or anything, because anything i do, whether it be the first date or the 100th, comes from the heart. plus i’d never let someone else’s cheap selfish ways rub off on me…it’s so not cute.

long story short, i look at dating with a free and open mind…i feel like, you’re going to have to meet a few lames, before you get to the prize…but you have to be willing to play the game…or get left behind.

(i love how i rhyme without even trying)

i feel like real recognizes real, and it’s going to be one good brotha in the crowd that sees your potential, even if a few want to take your kindness for weakness…

until then, i’m going to always be my free fun loving self…

134. Tanya wrote:

LOL @ Vic!!! That was funny!

(But you sound bitter bruh! Did some girl leave you for a dude with an Escalade?!?!?!?!)

It’s not about entitlement, it’s about gender roles, responsibility, and the natural order of life.

GOD blew breath into Adam, but created Eve from Adam’s rib. That set the natural order – a woman comes from a man and therefore, a man is suppose to protect and provide for that woman.

The man is the Head of the household and the man is suppose to financially, spiritually, and physically support that household. Of course, a wife is to assist her husband in that financial, spiritual, and physical support, BUT, the man is the Head.

By paying for a meal when you are out with a woman, whether the meal is $3 or $300, displays your ability and willingness to accept that role as the Head.

If a dude makes you pay for that $1 hot dog, girls RUN!!! (Not b/c he took you to get a hot dog. A hot dog and a walk in the park is a great date!) Run b/c chances are, he will be on the couch, while you’re out working to pay the mortgage and all the other bills. He will contribute nothing, while you stress to provide everything. Like far too many unproductive black relationships!!!

135. Tanya wrote:

R.oB.,

“Chivalry is like the slaveowners who kept their slaves on as hired freedmen.” – Rob

Your mind thinks in very mysterious ways!!! That makes absolutely no sense!

Your points all rest on false assumptions. It appears you don’t know what chivalry is.

Chivalry is NOT pampering.

Chivalry is about respect and protection. Chivalry is opening doors, not rubbing feet. There is not mandate for a man to rub a woman’s feet. But there is a mandate, among REAL and dignified men, to open a door for a woman. If a man stands next to a woman and lets her open the door herself, whether she is your wife, girlfriend, neighbor or a stranger, he is NOT a man.

Chivalry is about pulling out chairs, and not using profanity around women, laying your jacket over puddles, and helping her put on her coat, making sure she’s not cold, and making sure she has enough napkins, and chivalry is PAYING for meals, ice cream, or the $1 coat check when you are out on a date.

It’s NOT about catering to a woman. It’s NOT about buying a woman’s love. It’s about accepting your responsibility as a man. PERIOD!

Black men don’t pay for things b/c they are BROKE! And so, to make themselves feel better, they make all these excuses about why a woman should pay for herself, or even for him! It’s bull!

Newsflash gentlemen!!! The majority of women don’t want and don’t expect a millionaire. But they do expect a MAN, with balls, who is going to stand up and be the HEAD!

“For me to be chivalrous in the traditional sense would mean that I don’t respect you as an equal but as social commodities to be “bought” through social currency.” – Rob

For any man to say that, he either has NO SELF RESPECT or he is just doesn’t know what chivalry is!

As I think you’ve confirmed, you just don’t know what chivalry is!

136. Tanya wrote:

WYLTK,

LOL, I meant my man as in my homie, not as in my boo!!! I know DC is yours! I don’t step on toes!

If you want to ask men out and pay for it, that is your prerogative! Do what makes you happy! In some cultures the woman is the head!

I just want to make sure that you are doing it b/c that’s what YOU want, and that’s what makes YOU feel good! And that you weren’t brainwashed into this “nigger culture” where the woman has to take the man’s role b/c the men aren’t being fathers and husbands. I just hope you don’t subconsciously feel like you have to pay b/c he CAN’T or WONT!

I just understand the link that if a man let’s you pay, he will “let” you, by yourself, raise the kids too! If he wont take care of you and protect you (paying is an indication) then he wont take care of, and protect your kids with him.

There are too many loser brothers out there. You have to screen them, and whether they pay or not is the PRIME test!

But do you girlie!

137. Mrs. Rivers wrote:

I just have one question: Tanya – do YOU have a man?

138. wouldn't you like to know? wrote:

Tanya i love you…i may not agree with some of the stuff you say…but none the less you keep it funky girl!

i completely understand your POV. and to some extent i agree…
but i also know what to look for in a man. honesty, selflessness, lovingness, intelligence, generosity, how they are with children, are just to name a few…

i believe that asking a guy out and he accepting, doesn’t make him any less of a person. you have to give him a chance to prove who he is. i’m pretty good at picking up if a guy is selfish or scum…

i’m naturally a generous person, so as surprising as this may sound, it’s actually my pleasure to take a guy out…even for the first time…

i don’t know if you’ve ever took a gander at my pic, but i’m fine as shit, my pick of the litter isn’t slim, a loser cannot brainwash me to do something i don’t want to do…he’s better off killing himself (just jokes people, bear with me).

i do nice things, because i’m a nice person…so it’s really no biggie to me if the guy is a good or bad person. but if he’s the latter, there will be no second date…

now if he’s the former, he’ll be one happy son-of-a-b**ch

139. Tanya wrote:

NO MrsRivers, I DO NOT HAVE A MAN!!! (If you so desperately need to know.)

And that is ONLY by choice! Every time I walk out the house bushels of men flock to me, and stalk me, and beg to take me out! Seriously, no exaggeration! Not to mention the 2 exes I have steadily trying to rekindle old flames.

I hate to toot my own horn, but I am very successful and very, very, very attractive! Finding a man is NOT a problem, at all!

But I own a business, and I choose to focus on building that business and dedicate all of my time and energy to that business. I did not want to be distracted by a relationship. Not to mention I entered a re-dedication of my life to GOD 4 years ago. (I’ve always been a faithful Christian, but I choose to elevate my spirituality.) And part of that re-dedication is a life of abstinence. Having a man and being abstinent is not easily achieved! I choose to not have a man to not be distracted from my spiritual goals.

When I feel spiritually ready to reengage in a relationship, and when GOD tells me its time and brings me THE ONE. I will. But for now, I’m good! But thanks for asking!

Although I do not currently have a man, I have had several very strong, very loving, very healthy relationships with men. I’ve never had a man beat me, steal from me, or disrespect me. I have ONLY had powerful and enriching relationships. Unfortunately, not many women (black women especially) can say that. I offer my opinion on and the screening process for healthy dating b/c I know first hand! I have only had great men in my life! And I’m telling you how I found them!

So if that dude makes (lets) you pay $5 for that pizza dinner you guys had, don’t be surprised when you get into a relationship with him and he uses your credit cards and destroys your credit! – Word to the Wise!

140. DCI74 wrote:

Tanya I thought we had reached a communicative accord where we would avoid using general assumptions like “Black men don’t pay for things b/c they are BROKE! And so, to make themselves feel better, they make all these excuses about why a woman should pay for herself, or even for him! It’s bull!”

See I could easily make some generalizations about you and all women but that would be lazy thinking and I don’t get down like that. I have been on more dates than I can count and probably more than the average man. I have gone out with some women I always paid for and never once did they ever reach for their purse or make an attempt to do so. I’ve also gone out with women where we would sometimes go dutch sometimes she would pay or I would. I’ve even had women pay the bill without me even knowing while I was in the bathroom or when they pretended to be. (See that was some smooth ish to me and she definitely got that surprise delivery of flowers to the office). Let me be clear, romance and chivalry is a part of the package with me, I accept each woman as she comes but at the end of the day I want a progressive woman. I am a black man and far from broke so your blankets don’t fit over here. I’ve had highly intelligent, educated , beautiful and ambitious women insist on sometimes paying for a meal when we’ve been out who thought no less of me for letting them, plus I’d end up picking up the bill when we would head for drinks right after dinner, again no broke activity going in either direction its just two adults sharing an evening. But I have no doubt there is a man that will fit tightly into your box and you’ll be to go. Just because some men date different that what would be compatible for you doesn’t make them broke.

141. DCI74 wrote:

“i don’t know if you’ve ever took a gander at my pic, but i’m fine as shit,”

that is correct and she’s so humble too lol

142. Tanya wrote:

WYLTK,

“i do nice things, because i’m a nice person.” – WYLTK

Awww, I believe that! I’m sure you are just full of love and happiness and ready to share it. And that’s great!

“i believe that asking a guy out and he accepting, doesn’t make him any less of a person”

No it doesn’t! However, it is my opinion that if he lets you PAY, he most likely will not turn out to be the type of “honest, selfless, loving, intelligent, generous” man that you want and need! Good men are MEN, and take care of home!

PS – I peeped you! You can join the pretty girls club!!! I liked that pic you had up with the hat on. That hat was fly!

143. Tanya wrote:

DC,

I never said ALL men. And I surely never meant to lump you in the loser group! You know you’re hot to trot in the ‘Shop!!!

I was not referring to any of the examples you gave, especially since you reciprocated. I am just saying as a general rule, don’t trust a man who turns his head or runs to the bathroom when the bill comes, and there are a WHOLE LOT of them.

That is all!

144. wouldn't you like to know? wrote:

@ 140, yes DC, i try i try…lol thanx

“I peeped you! You can join the pretty girls club!!! I liked that pic you had up with the hat on. That hat was fly!”

thanx, and again, i try i try…sike.

but seriously, thank u.

Tanya, i do understand exactly where ur coming from, and i agree..

but i’m from the hood, so my “shifty nigga-dar” is definitely sharp. i can instantly pick up on scum, i guess it’s because i pay attention to the things the average woman don’t…and i try to stay away from it. i can say that i’ve met some really great men in my day, and i’m only 24. i’m pretty confident in my taste in men…

you make valid points, but i believe in not stereo-typing people, and giving them a fair shot. that is why i choose to be myself 100% of the time. i’m pretty sure there’s a guy out there that thought i was naive, because i wanted to take him out. but i offered that, because i simply wanted to, not because i wanted brownie points or felt obligated. if he chose to use that as a reason to “play” me, really, he played himself, because again, i’m no fool. i can instanlty pick up if a person is selfish, and selfish people get cut…

i hope you’re not feeling attacked, because i completely get your drift. but i just want you to know, there are some great men out here…that would let a woman pick up a tab.

and the gifts that he’ll give, surpasses some measly steak dinner…

145. ~JJG~ wrote:

Greetings People,

I must say, I find myself torn between WYLTK’s and Tanya’s sentiments. I have no problem treating a man to dinner, but I do think that the first date should be covered by the man (especially if he is the one asking for the lady’s time). I don’t understand why a woman cannot be independent/progressive and semi-traditional at the same time. I would say this term describes me best in relation to this particular topic. I am the only girl in my family (I have several brothers) and growing up gender roles were distinct. Tanya, I too believe that the man is the head of the household. You cannot have two heads in the household. It will not work, hence divorce will occur. But, I also believe that a wise man listens to his wife/girl as he governs the household. She is his closest advisor outside of God and he doesn’t suppress her. My progressive/intellectual development and traditional West Indian values continue to be at war regarding this subject.

146. BigVic4 wrote:

Tanya said: LOL @ Vic!!! That was funny!

(But you sound bitter bruh! Did some girl leave you for a dude with an Escalade?!?!?!?!)

BigVic said:
“when all else fails, they attack your manhood…”

…I told ya.

this shat is too easy.

Tanya said: Every time I walk out the house bushels of men flock to me, and stalk me, and beg to take me out!
I am very successful and very, very, very attractive!

I have had several very strong, very loving, very healthy relationships with men.

We lie loudest when we lie to ourselves.

147. R.oB. wrote:

Tanya,

“Chivalry is like the slaveowners who kept their slaves on as hired freedmen.” – Rob

Your mind thinks in very mysterious ways!!! That makes absolutely no sense!

Perhaps to you, Tanya. Perhaps to you. My wife however a Spelman educated lawyer, mother to my son, AKA, daughter to one of the most genuinely chivalrous men I’ve ever known, understands quite well. She was raised right and taught right by that very man. He knew chivalry is a show, either of love or of lust. All of the niceties you list are mere social currency. They are motions you go through. They are the works, but not necessarily the love. I’ve seen a Master Hoe do all of those things with one goal in mind and respect had absolutely nothing to do with it. And he was all quite successful in attaining it. The brother once got a voicemail with a woman crying on how well she was treated by him, how he was so this and that to her, how she felt about him. She was brought to tears. This public “Love Honor and Respect the Black Woman” brother played this private message for sport before me and a friend adding, “I fucked the shit out that hoe.” Chivalrous to the end, just like my father-in-law (RIP).

And for the record, I got laid quick fast in a hurry in college precisely because I respected women as persons. The ones who dissed me all claimed the same reason: Mr. Nice Guy. One of my best mentors Decima Francis, a literal African Queen if you can believe it, warned me about women who would “kill me” because of their fucked up worldview. She knocked some sense into me telling me that (a) I was “gorgeous” and (b) that I was “steel.” Meaning I had the strong back shit for the Provider and Protector, EXACTLY what I do as father, husband, and lover nowadays. Having her in my life one of the many reasons I thank God for setting me straight off the patriarchal bullshucks and teaching me to find people like my wife who I met 13 years ago. So spare me your weak, foolish insults. After 3 years of dating, 2 years engagement, and 8 married I know exactly what I’m talking about.

148. R.oB. wrote:

On patriarchy I’d say a few words for the group.

Tanya wrote:

GOD blew breath into Adam, but created Eve from Adam’s rib. That set the natural order – a woman comes from a man and therefore, a man is suppose to protect and provide for that woman.

I wonder if lead or more sinisterly, control ever comes into that “natural” role. Jokes. The Bible has long been used to support patriarchy. That shit has to be challenged. Just because a woman comes from a rib in the Second Story of Creation doesn’t make them existentially inferior. It means the man writing the words saw them that way. For the record, there are two stories of creation. (The Torah is split this way in many other places and an Editor weaved them together.) One called the “Elohist” because it calls God “God” and the other “Yahwist” because it calls God YWHW and is translated “The LORD” in caps. The Elohist story comes first and has men and women created directly by God on the 6th day as the culmination of creation. The Yahwist story has the patriarchial take with Eve created from Adams rib. So that story is not the final word. Reading them literally would make the who affair nonsense anyway. As the order in which things are created is reversed.

149. R.oB. wrote:

WYLTK,

You got your head on straight girl. You will find the man who measures up, no doubt. Not because you have “standards,” but because you can “see” truthfully. You remind me of Decima. It may take you a while to find a man worthy of you, but I’m prayerfully confident you will.

Plus, you being easy on the eyes helps a whole lot!!!

150. Tanya wrote:

WYLTK,

“i hope you’re not feeling attacked, because i completely get your drift. but i just want you to know, there are some great men out here…that would let a woman pick up a tab.” – WYLTK

No doll, I don’t feel attacked at all! I’m often of the minority opinion in the ‘Shop, so I’m use to it! It doesn’t bother me, especially since I know there are a lot of people outside the ‘Shop, and in the world, the majority actually, that agree with what I say here.

I know there are good bothers who may let his GIRLFRIEND or his WIFE pick up the tab. But I do NOT believe there is a really good MAN anywhere who would allow a woman he’s DATING to pick up the tab. (I hate to keep repeating the same thing, but this is just how I honestly feel, and I just wanted to respond to your last comment {#143}.)

I think you’re great, and I love you and your comments in the ‘Shop. I wish you the very best in all you do, and I’m sure you can vet a man well! So you’ll be good!

But I was at my friend’s house last night (a guy that I’ve known for years, since we were kids, and we’ve NEVER been boyfriend/girlfriend, or dated, or have done anything, we are strictly platonic friends!) and I asked him his take on all this.

I asked him verbatim, “Would you ever let a girl your dating pay for anything when your out?”

And he said, verbatim, “Hell NO! I’ve never even let you pay for anything when we go out.”

I told him about the little exchange we were all having here in the ‘Shop (and he made fun of me for being in a “chat room”. This is a BLOG, not a “chat room”, but anyway) and he told me this:

“When a girl pays for dinner dude is not thinking ‘Oh she’s so sweet’, he’s thinking “YES! I just saved some money right there. Now I can put this money towards XYZ…”

He said if a guy does think “Oh she’s so sweet…” the thought continues to “Oh she’s so sweet, I CAN’T let her pay for this. She’s such a good woman, I HAVE to take care of this for her.” And he WILL. He will end up paying even if you insist on paying. He said, “That’s just what a REAL MAN does.” (That’s what I thought!)

He was very confident that this is the thought pattern of the majority of men. So if your ok with a guy who thinks “YES, she paid! I just saved MY money.” Then, to each its own!

But that’s not the type of generous, selfless man that I think would make a good husband!

151. Tanya wrote:

Vic,

WOW!!! You thought I was attacking your MANHOOD, when I suggested that a girl left you for someone who drove an ESCALADE???????????

That means you’re equating what a man drives to the voracity of his manhood!

““when all else fails, they attack your manhood…”

…I told ya.

this shat is too easy.” – Big Vic

WOW!!! You too easily exposed yourself!!!

Allow me to inform you dear Vickie:

What a man drives, has absolutely NOOOO bearing on his manhood whatsoever!!!

Maybe you feel bad b/c you don’t push an Escalade, but women ARE NOT judging your MANHOOD by it! OK!

But whether a man lets a woman he’s dating pay for dinner or not, DOES!!!

People do lie loudest when they lie to themselves. But with ME, that is NOT the case!

I’m very grateful for everything GOD has given me. Particularly my looks! When your blessed with the Beauty AND Brians that I have, you don’t have to lie about anything!!!

152. Tanya wrote:

*Edit

Of course I meant VERACITY, not voracity! lol

153. Tanya wrote:

Also, just wanted to mention:

While I was at my friend’s house we watched “Half Baked”!!! (I forgot how funny that movie was.) It was on BET last night, did anyone catch it???

Well, remember that part where Dave Chappelle’s character goes on the date with Mary Jane? lol All his character had was $8!!! And he said, “This date couldn’t have come at a worst time, I’m BROKE!!!”

But he made that $8 work!!! Even his broke, pothead character still understood his position as a MAN, and his responsibility to pay. He didn’t try to manipulate Mary Jane into paying, he didn’t suggest or encourage her to pay, and I’m sure if she offered to pay, he would NOT have let. He just maned up and made that $8 work!!! And they had a great date!

I think that part of the movie holds relevance to this discussion!

154. Tanya wrote:

JJG,

“I don’t understand why a woman cannot be independent/progressive and semi-traditional at the same time.” – JJG

Don’t worry about Rob saying an independent/traditionalist woman is a contradiction!!! Rob often struggles to makes sense!

A woman can absolutely be independent and traditional all at the same time! A woman can be fruitfully employed and self-sufficient and STILL require/appreciate her man being a MAN, and taking the lead.

A woman can be strong, powerful, and rich, and still let her husband be the Head. Like you said, there can not be two Heads! You don’t have to dumb yourself down and give up your job to have a REAL MAN who leads and heads his family.

“I also believe that a wise man listens to his wife/girl as he governs the household. She is his closest advisor outside of God and he doesn’t suppress her.” – JJG

You are absolutely right!!! And as I said in #133, “Of course, a wife is to assist her husband in that financial, spiritual, and physical support, BUT, the man is the Head.”

Girl hold on to your righteous West Indian values! I’m right here with you! We can be independent AND traditional. In fact, it’s the most prosperous of hybrids!!!

155. R.oB. wrote:

While we are on the list of West Indian values, I was taught well by my father and by example of my grandfather on its dark side. Patriarchy for real. My grandfather had MAD outside children, so many that they were still meeting each other at his funeral! My father told me how he could be. Married or not, if “Gonzie” was in a house with his woman, he was the MAN of that house and my father had the lumps to prove it. He saw how the women folk had to deal with the deprivations of that kind of society. It’s something he vowed never to repeat. He taught me with tears in his eyes so I would never do so. Boy did he have stories.

My grandfather’s legacy lives to this day. He married a beautiful and dutiful woman who was like a third grandmother to me and my sister. He so controlled Auntie’s life that after he died she was unable to live on her own without a man in the house. She ran a tight ship in that house off the allowance my grandfather gave her. And it was a really nice house, but now it’s all gone to hell because she was unable to live alone and with her health failing it’s virtually impossible now. Even when the man is loving, this “natural role” leaves women vulnerable. (Why do you think widows are an object of charity in the Bible?) I’ve seen that in my family over and over and over.

So my language is harsh because I’ve seen what patriarchy does to women even when it looks good, i.e. chivalry. And I get emotional, because it’s personal. Real people that I love dearly have been devastated by it. If it produces bad fruit, it’s not a good tree. PERIOD.

156. Tanya wrote:

R.oB.,

“He knew chivalry is a show, either of love or of lust.” – Rob

Chivalry is NOT a show! Chivalry is respect and deference.

You DO NOT have to love or lust for a woman to open the door for her.

A man should open the door for, not only his wife or prospect, but for the old lady he doesn’t know, the little girl who lives across the street, and for the woman who is married to another man. A true man is chivalrous to ALL WOMEN!!!

Chivalry is NOT what you do for a woman b/c you want something from her (love or sex). Chivalry is what a MAN does b/c he understands the role he plays in life and his responsibility to care for and protect others, particularly WOMEN!

You talking about your friend who ONLY did chivalrous things to get sex is so off base here! Why do you have to always take things to a ridiculous, irrelevant extreme? I’m sure there are men out there (majority even) who do NOT engage in chivalry (let a woman pay) who will go back to there friends and say “Yeah that hoe PAID for my meal, AND I banged her!”

There are men who use chivalry JUST to get “some”, and there are men who PIMP woman to pay for, not only their meals, but all their expenses (car, house, bills, etc.). There are chivalrous men who are illegitimate and there are (far more) men who are non-chivalrous that are illegitimate. That’s NOT what we are talking about here.

What we are talking about is whether a man allowing a woman he is DATING, to pay for that date, devalues or effects his manhood!!!

AND MY ANSWER IS YES!

“So spare me your weak, foolish insults.” – Rob

I never insulted YOU. If you feel insulted b/c I said a man is NOT a MAN if he lets a woman pay, so be it! But my sentiment, whether you choose to admit it or not, IS a universal consensus!

“After 3 years of dating, 2 years engagement, and 8 married I know exactly what I’m talking about.” – Rob

All you know is YOUR WIFE! If she settled for you, allowing her to pay for her own meals while you guys dated, then count your lucky stars!!!

But if you have been with her for 13 years, all you know is HER. You couldn’t have dated that many other women, if, as young as you are, you have already been with your wife for 13 years!!!

I know men! I’ve not only dated a whole lot of them, but the majority of my friends are men. And I have multitudes of men approaching me on a daily basis. I’m very observant and I’ve picked up on how good men behave and how bad men behave. Not to mention, I come from a huge family of nothing but MEN. I see, and know, how my cousins operate and why!

So I think I might be a bit more well versed in dating and the consequences and likelihood of certain dating patterns, than you!

157. R.oB. wrote:

JJG,

After 8 years of living in a happy equal marriage, I can tell you that divorce does not occur because a man is not the Head, i.e. the one with all the responsibility. My wife and I are a team and we basically decide by consensus on family issues. We have not had strong disagreements over the important stuff, because on the big issues we try to support each other’s needs and look for a solution to works for the entire family.

That said we still have the male/female archetype at work day to day. My natural instinct is to protect and provide. My wife’s is to defer and support. I’ve seen it in my family, at work, and at church. Women defer to men tacitly, in invisible ways. This occurs esp. when women suck it up when men are in the wrong. So I deal with that by remembering no matter how enlightened I’d like to think I am, I’ve got plenty of unconscious patriarch in me.

And since my family is going to Florida for Christmas, I’ll have to manage that especially hard since West Indian parties have very specific gender roles that men and women should play. Managing my wife’s umbrage will be my main task!

158. R.oB. wrote:

Tanya, you routinely insult me all the time so yeah I call them weak and foolish. Weak because that’s what they are intellectually. If you can’t respond, insult the person. Foolish because they have no basis in fact. And just for proof:

Those 13 years are with my wife. I’ve been dating for real since I was 17 that would count for 7 years dating girls and women, then 3 with my wife, then 2 engaged, then 8 married. I’ve dated women 10 years my senior and my junior (but not by so much!!!!). Interracially. Intraracially. Seriously. And not so seriously. The only thing I’ve not done is date outside my gender.

When you have issues with me and others you routinely resort to sarcasm and insult. That’s your M.O. from jump. Well, that and YELLING!!!!

159. R.oB. wrote:

BTW, what Master Hoe does is not so extreme. He was an outlier only because of his skill at bedding women. Most of the cats I knew/know were/are in it to get laid, and that’s what my father-in-law taught my wife. Now he was a man who walked the talk. He really took care of my mother-in-law and I was impressed. But he was the exception rather than the rule. So to me, chivalry is all sizzle and no steak.

Typo above: …I as 16 that would count for 6 years dating…No two-timing wifey!

160. ~JJG~ wrote:

RoB,

I don’t think that the only variable that causes a marriage to dissolve is having two heads in the household, but I have witness divorces that occurred because there was no clear leader in the relationship and there were power struggles. In so saying, I still believe that the man is the head of the household and we will just have to differ on this one.

Additionally, your viewpoint begs the question of whether or not you would think differently if you had a daughter (you only noted that you have a son, so I am assuming you don’t have a daughter). I am curious to know. Also, what’s up with the idea that chivalry is conducted merely for sexual conquest? This is not true. My father, brothers, and 5 year old nephew have all been chivalrous towards me. I do not believe that chivalry equates to patriarchy. Being chivalrous is about being courteous and polite towards that one you care for, like, and/or love, even if it’s only for that moment (referring to your friend, the “Master Hoe”).

161. econwhat wrote:

LOL, Pretty Wings, LOL

162. Mrs. Rivers wrote:

“When you have issues with me and others you routinely resort to sarcasm and insult. That’s your M.O. from jump. Well, that and YELLING!!!!”

I cosign that whole-heartedly!!!

163. Mrs. Rivers wrote:

WYLTK:

I agree with the others. You got a good head on your shoulders and you know the signs of a ‘good’ and ‘bad’ seed. Just stay true to yourself and your values. Your prince charming will come along.

With regards to this whole creation story example & JJG’s response:
Yes, if you believe in the second creation story, woman is made from Adam’s rib. But right after that story, it mentions a ‘man will leave his family and follow his wife’ (I’m going off the cuff here because I dont feel like pulling out The Good Book.)So there is a dual leadership role in marriage: a man is the head of the household, but he does follow and respect his wife. and he makes all decisions based off of the welfare of her and their children.

164. R.oB. wrote:

JJG,

If I understand you correctly, those power struggles are symptomatic of the cause of the divorce. A house divided falls regardless of who is head of it or who is trying to be head of it. Power struggles don’t indicate love, they indicate abiding selfishness.

Perhaps I’m being too harsh on chivalry itself. If you take out the gender roles, then I think we have a duty to be chivalrous if we claim to love one another, esp. the least of these. But I have no respect for social graces, class systems, and other social constructs because they are not trustworthy indicators of a good and gracious heart. They are features of a game. I’ve seen too much hypocrisy, sometimes egregiously (Master Hoe), to give them much credence. My father-in-law was chivalrous to a fault, but I knew what kind of man he was. He did out of a store of love. But when Jesus spit fire on the Pharisees who were paragons of public virtue by the way, he spoke of them being like whitewashed tombs. I guess I see that today in Master Hoe who found himself exactly what he wanted: a nice subservient, man-is-head-of-the-household wife. Her submission feeds his ego. He’s always chivalrous to women. Always. Never heard him disrespect a woman within earshot of one. Ever. So his wife status is closer to a pet than a partner and I find that repugnant, but to each his or her own. Incidentally, he’s not really a friend of mine. How do you respect someone like that? I’ll give him some dap, ask after him on the agape level, but that’s it.

Mrs. Rivers,

My only point was that there are two stories that exist for either side: whether you are a woman inferior or woman equal type. The first story is right up the equality alley. The Bible used to support patriarchy is the same used to support feminism. The same Bible used to support slavery supports freedom to the oppressed. It’s the humans that do the using that are the cause of the problems.

165. DCI74 wrote:

*ducking left and right from the Scripture Missiles…why am I not surprised the thread went in this direction once again???

Very interesting reading R.o.B. and Tanya ahhh smh…

166. ~JJG~ wrote:

RoB,

By no means is my viewpoint a declaration that a wife should be subservient to her husband. Never that! It is about leadership, not dictatorship. Being the head of the household does not justify a man making decisions without consulting his wife. As I noted previously, a wise man listens to his wife. A wise man values his woman’s thoughts, ideas, and feelings. It is about mutual respect and honor. It is a two part equation. The Good Book also notes that, “husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church…” Duck DC, duck. Lol. If a husband adheres to this, then subservience and dictatorship is not an issue, because God is not a dictator to us (the church).

RoB, I also agree with you that these social structures “are not trustworthy indicators of a good and gracious heart.” These social structures are relative, subjective, and flawed.

167. ~JJG~ wrote:

Mrs. Rivers,

I cosign on your thoughts: “a man is the head of the household, but he does follow and respect his wife. and he makes all decisions based off of the welfare of her and their children.”

168. Mrs. Rivers wrote:

Yes JJG. I was going to refer to the same scripture you quoted but couldnt find a way to sum it up without getting up to find the bible. Either way, I think you and RoB are going around the same circle (sort of). In both creation stories, and in the scripture you quoted from the New Testament, it could be interpreted that both men and women have a dual leadership role.
After all – how can a man lead yet follow his wife at the same time? I think we need to stop looking at this as two individuals. When you marry, two become one. As long as you stay ‘one’ then power/leadership is shared. Its when someone loses that power that conflict arrises.

169. BigVic4 wrote:

WOW!!! You thought I was attacking your MANHOOD, when I suggested that a girl left you for someone who drove an ESCALADE???????????

Maybe you feel bad b/c you don’t push an Escalade, but women ARE NOT judging your MANHOOD by it! OK!

You go from defining manhood…to me wanting an Escalade…to your “LOOKS”

So, is that how your brain works?

I see why you don’t have a man,

you have the thought-process of a gnat.

170. gigi wrote:

Can’t we just all get along?

171. gigi wrote:

Post #170…these long post always indicate blog brawl…lol

172. james wrote:

jjg, power struggles will naturally occur whereever there are two strong-willed people involved. for some couples, power struggles are merely foreplay. i would never refer myself as the head of my household, and i would laugh at my wife if she were to claim that place as well. a spousal-based team will always consist of alternating leaders, stepping up to do the things that they can do whenever they are needed–from cleaning a bathroom to planning for retirement or college savings plans.

a long-term relationship should be designed to develop your strengths as a person, but should also be able to tolerate, within reason, your weaknesses as well. and sometimes, the things we are good at, enjoy, or at least tolerate doing will fall into some of the more traditional roles gender roles. some times they wont’t. it’s really not that big of deal, so long as your communication, respect, and sex-life remains intact, even after your had the worst of days and nights living with your parnter

as for chivalry, i do believe in holding doors for people of all races, genders, and creeds. however, i would never put my coat over a puddle. i have a pretty nice coat. i would suggest walking around it, or jumping over it. i would give my coat to a woman to keep her warm, but it probably wouldn’t come without a few questions as to why she wasn’t dressed properly in the first place. i also believe that whoever wants to/and can afford to pay for any date should, and any combination thereof. i don’t believe in kissing on the first date. ever.

i also don’t believe in seriously arguing about any of this, as we all have our own systems when it comes to this kind of stuff. furthermore, i’ve never seen anybody pretend to reach for his/her wallet on a date, so i have no experience with that despite having dated quite substantially before getting married. i have, however, been known to defer (not on dates) to my wealthier friends when it comes to the check. sometimes people just enjoy pulling out their wallets, flashing lots of cash or credit, and taking care of the entire business.

regardless, it’s never inappropriate to discuss payment plans or ideas at any point during any meal. it shows a willingness to communicate openly and honestly, and will provide some insight into your companion’s thoughts and how they may or may not jive with your own.

173. DCI74 wrote:

“When you marry, two become one. As long as you stay ‘one’ then power/leadership is shared. Its when someone loses that power that conflict arrises.”

I agree with that Sammy and I’d go one step further and say problems also arise when one wants to overpower or domineer the other. I got that from watching my parents 34+ years of marriage and from some real conversations with my father. The two must become one, I am you and you are me.

174. natural nubian wrote:

gigi, “blog brawl” is sooooo right! funny thing is doc’s initial 20 Qs became a blog convo about only 1. and i’m throwing blaxx under the bus for this one ’cause we were good ’til he wanted to explore his inner-entrepreneur by offering DC’s “services.” after that it the convo took an ugly turn

175. wouldn't you like to know? wrote:

awww thanx you guys for the kind words! it’s really appreciated…

it so much to read here, but i’ll just say this. even though i’m starting to feel like a broken record :/

Tanya, just because a man allows a woman to pay on a date (if she offers) does not equate his entire existance as a man. to think that, is ridiculous in my opinion. Though i agree that there are some losers that would “take advantage” of a good woman, that doesn’t mean you can clump the entire species into one box. i’ve met some extremely great men, some i’ve taken out, some that have taken me out. and what they all have in common is…wait for it….they were all GOOD MEN. they were ALL good to me, and treated me like nothing of queen…and i in return treated them like kings…

why is it that if a woman comes out of her pocket to do something nice for a fella…it has to be a “GASP” moment???

i still don’t understand the big deal…maybe i am the hell naive.

but don’t you think it’s fair for a guy to screen a woman too, and to see where her heart is?? is it fair to say that just because a person is of age and female, that she’s a woman?? i mean come on, you have some tack-heads out here that love to have their hands out, and think that a man MUST do xyz…but all the while she doesn’t know how to treat a man her damn self.

just like DC has stated, a man likes to feel wanted and appreciated from time to time too! (for me, i do it ALL the time). it’s not going to kill us as women to approach a potential prospect and treat him to lunch. sometimes i fella may not notice you at first…but you may have noticed his fine ass all day. whatchya gonna do??? wait your life away for his late ass??? or are you gonna woman up and go for what you like??

me, i choose to do the latter…

and that is my take on this bullshit called life…

peace!

176. wouldn't you like to know? wrote:

treated me like nothing LESS of a queen*

Doc PLEASE get an edit button…

177. DCI74 wrote:

Wyltk you are the best!

178. wouldn't you like to know? wrote:

no no DC, that be you!

179. DCI74 wrote:

As a man I accept my role as being the aggressor when it comes to relationships but every now and then it’s nice to feel appreciated and not always feel like I’m the one constantly showing her how much she means to me and all she has to do is sit back and receive. The one thing about societal norms is that we as society dictate said norms, which ones we want to accept and live by and which ones we choose to ignore or change. If the societal roles say man should always pay and never a woman then does that also mean I should never cook for my lady because after all isn’t cooking a female thing?? See I don’t believe that nonsense especially considering the some of the world’s best chefs are men. My point is that society is not some abstract construct created by others that we are forced to live under, we are the architects and recipients of our own society.

180. wouldn't you like to know? wrote:

“See I don’t believe that nonsense especially considering the some of the world’s best chefs are men.”

DC i agree, cause my daddy can tear up a kitchen! mmmm mmmm good! i’m not trying to take away from some of you men, because i’m a universal lover, but ladies y’all need to check up on some of these west indian men! some of those fellas can throw down in the kitchen…

yummy.

sorry, i’m a fat jawn. carry on…

181. DCI74 wrote:

Hmm fat?? Ms. Chong please!

182. Mrs. Rivers wrote:

Okay Marc:
We’ve had enough with 20 questions. When are we having the Holiday Party? We will be in Philly from the 24th through the 30th. I’d be more than happy to plan it this year!

183. econwhat wrote:

6) Does anyone believe women on a first date when they pretend to reach for their wallets to “pay the bill?”

Ok, lol, now what’s the concensus for question #6?

I wanna know cause the last “first date” I had didn’t require any money, it was spent dishing out food to the homeless folks while trying to get a second date, second date was climbing a mountain with her and a bunch of rowdy teen-agers, the way this is going third date will probably require me reaching into my pocket for my passport for some all expenses paid trip to Haiti…what am I doing wrong y’all…lol… no seriously!

184. DCI74 wrote:

I feel you econ and you highlight perfectly that when you’re taking the time get to know someone it doesn’t have to be in the standard societal norms context. Some of the best dates I ever had was where the least amount of money was spent but the quality of the dates were better than I could have imagined.

So Marc what’s up, where’s the party??

185. gigi wrote:

ECONWHAT,

You don’t need any help…you are doing it purrrfectly. Actively pursing life with another is always better than sitting behind a table asking a bunch of questions, regardless to who pays.

Women like men with a certain degree of firmness (I am assuming this is a heterosexual relationship). When it comes to the Haiti trip…simply tell her no, and you will be at her place to pick her up for dinner @ 8:00.

186. BigVic4 wrote:

“Women like men with a certain degree of firmness…”

This is true.

That’s why you gotta jack they a.zz up every now and then

to let’em know you care.

187. gigi wrote:

BIGVIC4

What do you mean by jack????

188. Tanya wrote:

Vic,

GET YO MONEY UP LITTLE NIGGA!!! (lol jokes, jokes!)

“You go from defining manhood…to me wanting an Escalade…to your “LOOKS”. So, is that how your brain works? I see why you don’t have a man, you have the thought-process of a gnat.” – Vic #168

Did you seriously not understand that my #150 was a DIRECT response to your #145??????????????

You were the one that equated your manhood (or lack thereof) to not having an Escalade.

All I did was ask (jokingly), if you were bitter b/c some chick left you for a dude with an Escalade. (And I only mentioned that b/c you were talking {bitterly} about girls wanting a dude with an Escalade on another thread a couple months ago!)

In #145 You responded with:

““when all else fails, they attack your manhood…”

…I told ya.

this shat is too easy.” – Vic

YOU clearly thought your manhood was attacked due to your lack of an Escalade. (which speaks volumes)

So I simply responded in #150 with:

“What a man drives, has absolutely NOOOO bearing on his manhood whatsoever!!!”

In #145 YOU stated:

“We lie loudest when we lie to ourselves.” – Vic

This was you clearly casting doubt on my previous statement about my success, LOOKS, and healthy relationships.

So I responded in #150 with:

“I’m very grateful for everything GOD has given me. Particularly my looks! When your blessed with the Beauty AND Brians that I have, you don’t have to lie about anything!!!”

My statements were ALL DIRECT responses to YOUR previous statements. I was following YOUR thought pattern. So if you think that going from “manhood” to “Escalade” to “looks” is a thought pattern on par with that of a gnat, your talking about YOURSELF!!! You silly goose!

I see why you’re broke! You have problems following along. You have to be able to keep up in order to get that paper!

189. Tanya wrote:

WYLTK,

“Tanya, just because a man allows a woman to pay on a date (if she offers) does not equate his entire existance as a man.” – WYLTK

Darling I NEVER said that!!! Don’t get like Rob and start taking things to a ridiculous extreme.

I never said if a man doesn’t pay it defines his ENTIRE existence as a man. I said it TAKES AWAY from his manhood; meaning it lessens it, not defines it in its entirety.

Why do you guys interpret my comments in such absolute terms???

Of course when I offer my opinion I’m NOT talking about every single person in the entire world!!! I’m speaking generally, in terms of the majority, but mainly, in terms of my opinion.

If I say, “black women have perms”. Of course I don’t mean EVERY single black woman in the whole world!!! I just simply mean the majority. So I don’t thinks it’s necessary, or productive, for someone to defensively respond with “That’s not true, ALL black women DO NOT have perms. I wear my hair natural”. That type of response is pedantic and wastes time. Because I NEVER said ALL. My statements ARE NOT ABSOLUTE!!!

I DO NOT think it is a brush on ALL mens’ manhood if they don’t pay. I’m sure there are some (few) good men out there that would let a woman pay, for various reasons. A reason might be b/c in his culture the woman is the head and that’s what he’s use to! (like in the north eastern state of Meghalaya, India where the women are the Head and run the homes, businesses, and everything, and the men are the “stay-at-homes”)

If you find yourself a Meghalaya man, and he lets you pay, he’s probably a good guy. BUT, the vast majority of men who do let you pay are, most likely, NOT real, good, men. (and I explained WHY in my numerous comments above)

And that’s my final answer!

There’s no intent to offend anyone, that is just my honest take on it! The end!

190. Tanya wrote:

WYLTK,

“it’s not going to kill us as women to approach a potential prospect and treat him to lunch. sometimes i fella may not notice you at first…but you may have noticed his fine ass all day. whatchya gonna do??? wait your life away for his late ass??? or are you gonna woman up and go for what you like?? me, i choose to do the latter…” – WYLTK

LMAO!!! I DO feel you on that!!! I totally understand your point there!

I’m a very assertive, go getter kind of woman. But I’ve never felt the need to approach a man, and I prefer NOT to. (and believe it or not there is scripture that suggests a woman shouldn’t {but I’m not going there right now!})

Please understand that I am NOT trying to tell you how to live your life, and I’m not passing judgment in anyway. You know what works best for you!!! Do you! I sincerely wish you the very best.

I just shared my opinion on the topic, that is all!

191. Tanya wrote:

R.oB.,

Why are you trying to peg me the Barbershop Bully!?!?!?

I think I’ve already outlined quite effectively, on another post, that the “insults” I issue are in response to someone hurling one at me first! But that’s besides the point, I do need to take responsibility for my own actions, and I should never resort to calling anyone names, regardless. So I apologize!

Honestly, you’re the last person in the ‘Shop I would want to insult. Although you have hurled and initiated insults yourself, I think you still have been incredibly patient and mature. I know there have been times when I poke at you a little bit (only b/c you leave yourself WIDE open and I just can’t resist!) and you’ve responded maturely and didn’t poke back. So I think well of you, and I truly don’t have anything against you. Moreover, I am very sorry if I ever offended you. It won’t happen again!

I don’t insult you b/c I don’t have a response. I always respond, thoroughly! It just becomes frustrating when you hit 100 comments and it’s all repetitive, and it appears there’s no common understanding. So I throw a name out to get my frustration out, not to intentionally hurt you, or anyone else.

In #146 you asked me to spare you the insults. But I honestly don’t think I said anything previous to #146 that was insulting. I would appreciate it if you would inform me of what it was that insulted you prior to #146, so that I can be sure not to do it again.

Also, when I use CAPS, it’s NOT me yelling! I use CAPS to emphasize a word or point, or to highlight a phrase and cause it to stand out. My use of CAPS is identical to your use of italics, bold, and your fancy little gray sidebar! If, for some reason you think CAPS are more offensive than italics and/or bold, then please instruct me on how to italicize and/or bold text on this blog and I will gladly convert.

192. Tanya wrote:

R.oB.,

In response to your #154:

I really want to be careful how I address this, but I have to be candid.

Although it seems you have a bit of animosity towards your grandfather (and maybe rightfully so), I’m sure there is something you admire about him, and I’m sure he was a good man is some way.

However, I would venture to state that it was your grandfather who was the bad tree that bore bad fruit, not patriarchy itself.

There are several people who abuse good things all the time. But that doesn’t make the “thing” bad, it makes the person bad.

I referred to your “Master Hoe” friend as an off base extreme b/c he was obviously a bad person abusing a good thing (chivalry). So he served no valid purpose to your argument.

It’s a good thing to open doors for women and treat them with respect and extra delicate care (chivalry). But your friend abused it with mal-intent. That makes HIM bad, not chivalry.

In that same regard, if your grandfather abused his position as the Head of the household, and caused pain to his wife and children, that makes HIM bad, not patriarchy.

Patriarchy is alive and well in my entire family, and it was alive and well in my household growing up! My father was the Head, and he never abused his “position”. My mother is an independent women and her and my father were partners that lived and ran the house as one. But my father was still the Head, the chivalrous Head, an our home ran like a well oiled machine b/c of it!

My mother was never a vulnerable figure (as you described your Auntie/grandma). And my patriarchal father raised me to be a strong and independent woman. I’m sure you can’t imagine me being “vulnerable” or subservient to any man!!! But I WILL allow natural order to take place and respect my husband as the Head.

Further, my father was the Captain of the ship and constantly fulfilled those duties. But my mother was still capable and ready to take over at any point. As I mentioned much earlier on in this thread, in my discussion with Blaxx, my father had Bell’s Palsy when I was a kid and he was bed ridden for 1 month. During that time, my mother had to step up and take over the ship. She became the Captain. My mother had to serve as the Head and take care of us and the household. AND SHE DID! We never skipped a beat! My mom is a strong wife and she took over for her husband. Although my father was always the Head, she was able to confidently take over that position, and my dad encouraged her to be ready for that when they married.

So patriarchy is NOT about abuse, and a man never wanting his wife to have any “power” or capability. It’s about a man recognizing that he has a GOD given dominance in his genes and that he is to take the wheel FIRST, but understands how to pass the wheel to his wife when needed. Likewise, a wife has to know when to give the wheel back to her husband, where it is meant to be (like my mom gave it back to my dad when he became well again).

You stated in #154:

“He so controlled Auntie’s life that after he died she was unable to live on her own without a man in the house.” – Rob

I hope you can understand that your grandfather’s “control” over his wife is NOT patriarchy. Patriarchy, contrary to popular belief, is NOT man’s control over a woman. It’s man’s duty in relation to a woman.

In addition, do you think your Auntie/grandma played any role in her own “demise”? She knew that there would be a 50/50 chance that he may depart before her and that she would have to take the lead at some point. Do you think she could of been more proactive in standing her ground and taking her “seat/wheel” in the household? Do you think she could have been more proactive in observing how he was tending to the home so that she would be able to effectively take over one day?

Do you REALLY think patriarchy is to blame for her not being able to take care of the house after her husband died???

193. Tanya wrote:

R.oB. & Mrs. Rivers,

I’m glad that you both understand that Adam and Eve is the “second” creation story. But from your comments regarding it, I don’t get the impression that you fully know or understand the FIRST creation story.

Rob, as you mentioned, in the Torah is states that GOD blew breath into both man and woman. But the Torah does not state that, that woman was Eve! B/c it wasn’t Eve! It was Lilith, Adams FIRST wife!!!

As I’m sure you both know, there are a few books of the Bible that are not included in the distributed version of the Bible. As you know the early scholars and theologians strongly believed that the majority of people would not be able to “handle” and properly understand certain books in the Bible, and so, they deemed it best to leave those books out. They feared that a slight misinterpretation of these books would be so damaging to society, that it would be best to just not include them in the Bible at all.

Well, the first creation story, the story of Adam and Lilith, is one of those “lost books” of the Bible.

Here’s the gist of that book:

In the beginning, GOD blew breath into Adam FIRST, and then, in the same equal way, blew breath into Lilith. The time came when GOD instructed Adam and Lilith to procreate, but Lilith didn’t want to have sex with Adam. Lilith preferred to go far off into the Garden of Eden, and have sex with herself (masturbate, she was evil). When Lilith did finally decide to have sex with Adam she would ONLY have sex with him while she was on top. This angered GOD b/c when a woman is on top it is impossible for her to conceive.

B/c Lilith would only be on top during sex with Adam, GOD punished her and turned her into an animal. (this is why women should NOT be on top during sex, b/c GOD punished Lilith for it) It is widely debated whether GOD turned Lilith into an owl or a snake. But most believe it was a snake, and in fact, that Lilith was the snake that tricked Eve into eating the apple.

So since GOD turned Lilith into an animal, Adam was the only human in the Garden of Eden for a while, and this is where Genesis picks up.

Genesis tells how GOD saw that Adam being alone was not good and while Adam was sleeping, he then took his rib to create Eve.

The fuller book on the creation story tells how GOD didn’t want to blow breath into Eve in the same equal way he created Adam, b/c that is how he created Lilith and Lilith was no good. Therefore, GOD wanted Adam (man) to be dominate over woman, and that is why woman was created from man’s rib.

So Rob, although you are right that GOD created Adam and Lilith in the same equal way, man was still created *FIRST*, which set the natural order, and that order was only solidified and intensified when GOD created Eve from his rib! This was the proper way. Man was not only created first, man was created more complete, as woman is only a small piece of man.

So both the “first” and the “second” creation stories validate man’s position over woman. – Man’s position as the Head!

There are a bunch of stories about Lilith all over the internet, some half true, some totally false. Wiki even has an entry on Lilith, it’s not accurate though, and it does have a bit on Adam and Lilith’s relationship, but it’s not accurate either.

Although the book of the full creation story is not in the circulated version of the Bible, the book is still available for those who wish to read it. It you go to your local Theologians Library you’ll be able to read the actually book and read the scriptures about Adam and Lilith.

PS – Many lesbians worship Lilith, since she rejected having sex with Adam (man). I’m sure Timaree might have a few stories about Lilith for you if you ask her!

194. econwhat wrote:

Tanya – I think you put the chivalry issue to bed once and for all. But, question: Shouldn’t you have you hands lifted up worshipping someplace today?

Just curious!

Also, you’ll be happy to know I enjoyed a double date lunch with the woman of my dreams yesterday and the other fellow and myself were all to pleased to picked up the tab for both of these wonderful women. Pray for my progress, please!!

My intentions are VERY HONORABLE!!!

195. Tanya wrote:

Hey Econwhat,

No, I didn’t go to church this morning. And I don’t have a good excuse either! I just felt sluggish this morning and didn’t feel like getting dressed (its been a long week). But I’ll make up for it with a Wed. service. Besides, I prayer and read the Bible at home anyway!

I wish you all the best with the “woman of your dreams”!!! Since you paid for lunch, it sounds like you’re already well on your way!!!